A Baby Is A Gift?

Was talking to my colleague about my old injury on my leg. The old injury has been there for some time. Apparently, the blood vessels near my ankle on the old injury site has probably caused the bruises to be there for a long time. My colleague, like me, are Thalassemic (A person with the medical condition of Thalassemia). It seemed like being Thalassemic could possibly be the reason why we bruise easily.

Thalassemia is an inherited blood disorder where the body is unable to manufacture normal haemoglobin (a protein found in red blood cell). Because of this, insufficient oxygen is carried to many organs in the body. My colleague and I are carriers of this recessive gene and we present the alpha type. Being a recessive gene carrier, nothing will happen to us. Except that when we marry a person who is also a carrier, there is a 25% chance that the baby will present with Thalassemia Major. This means that health problems like severe anaemia, heart failure, stunted growth, multi-organ failure can happen. Frequent blood transfusions also have to happen. Thalasemic Minor people like me, will not present any of the above. We are just a carrier of a recessive 'bad' gene.

My colleague's husband is not a carrier of the recessive gene. This makes me wonder what if my future husband is a carrier like me? I was told that genetic counselling is important for married-couples-to-be. But as a Christian believing that God is sovereign and in total control, I wonder if genetic counselling is really crucial? Well, it will help to prepare a couple mentally and financially if they were to know that the baby will be abnormal. Surely abortion will not be a consideration. I honestly do not know if it would be a good decision to not have babies of our own if my future husband is Thalassemic like me. After all, there is a 25% chance that baby will be Thalassemia Major! To totally trust God and carry on to conceive with a high chance of an abnormal child, or adopt other children? I do not know and I don't have an answer.

It is said that a baby is a gift from God. In that case, an abnormal baby is a gift from God too, isn't it? Another colleague of mine who only got married 2 years ago and now with a 11-month-old baby, was diagnosed with a tumour behind one eye. The tumour has to be removed and baby will be one-eye blinded. Just before the surgery, doctors found another smaller tumour in the other eye too. I just learnt that such this condition is genetic. My cousin had also given birth to a baby with his oseophageal tube incompleted. This means that baby cannot swallow food. Despite many surgeries since birth, baby had to leave this world. I know this sounds paranoid, but I do not know how I will be able to handle if my baby is born abnormal. Besides being spiritually challenged, all aspects of the parents' lives will be turned upside down. Will I blame God or thank God for giving me that baby?

It sounds kinda mellow here... sorry if I made you paranoid or saddened by the cases mentioned. Just sharing these thoughts and probably for us to consider if we would ever blame God one day (or still be able to stay faithful and thank God) if tragedies were to struck at our doorsteps....

Travel Advisory

Pardon me because I'm in the industry... I think I ought to also help to announce this 'warning'...

The MOH has issued a travel advisory for people travelling to countries in the Northern Hemisphere. Contact with poultry should be avoided. If poultry were to be consumed, they should be properly cooked before consumption. Those travelling to countries in the Northern Hemisphere, are encouraged to be vaccinated 2 weeks prior to travel.

More information is available on Straits Times and MOH.

Be responsible for your health and others' too ;)

Flu Pandemic

The Avian Flu will surely hit us. News of poultry being infected with the H5N1 virus and people getting infected with the virus are popping up in many parts of the world. This virus is worse than the SARS virus in 2003. With winter approaching in the Northern Hemisphere, influenza is a real concern.

One of my colleagues says to eat chicken while you still can. I guess in Singapore, it is still rather safe to consume chicken. A doctor I know who specialises in Infectious Disease thinks that it is still ok to eat chicken, while I also do know of a doctor who does not want to eat chicken for the fear of the bird flu. As for me, I only know that life will be crazy if I had to work like during the SARS days, where I have to work 12 hours everyday for 5 weeks.

Well at least for now, we can stay in the know of the latest news and update via the World Health Organisation and the Singapore Ministry of Health website. We probably should also know the plan that our government has, in preparation for the possible onset of the spread of the virus in the country. For those who are interested, the "Influenza Pandemic Response and Readiness Plan" is made available here.

Thankful For Pain

Followed mum to a Chinese Tui Na place at Woodlands this afternoon. Mum's veins at the thigh area was hurting, likely due to her prolonged standing in her work. I tagged along, hoping to have some massage done for my back and neck. I know that it would be shiok!

Decided on a foot relexology with neck/shoulder massage for 1 hour. The 1-hour ordeal had not only cost me $35 (rather cheap) but also PAIN! This was my 5th attempt at foot reflexology in my life time. 3 times were done outside Singapore. Each time when I did it, it was painful at some areas on my legs and the front of my foot. It was hardly painful when the points on my soles were pressed. Well at least this means that my internal organs were generally okay. I had an old injury on my foot near my ankle which does not bother me when I walk, but it hurts when I press on the site. I injured it whilst walking down a flight of steps at Clementi MRT 5 years ago. Injury improved after seeing 2 different chinese doctors. Since then the site of injury will hurt upon touch but I can walk, run and jump without problems.

I learnt that my injury was not treated properly and so it still hurts. The injured bones/ligaments had caused internal bleeding, which is the cause of the pain I feel whenever anyone pressed on the site near my ankle. I'm glad that I went to the massage today. Someone finally gave me a good explanation to my condition. The injury was the reason why my feet could produce a 'click' sound if I were to rotate my ankle a few times. I was gritting my teeth and hugging my bag in pain as the therapist sought to 'treat' my foot. Wearing of high heel shoes had also caused the veins running down from my knee to my foot to hurt. The excruciating pain almost made me cry. But because I had others sitting beside me, I have to be brave... I was given a medicated plaster at the end of the therapy. Well the good part was that the 20-min shoulder/neck/back massage saved the day. It was really good and I felt like I was floating in the air after the massage!!

Despite the painful experience on my legs, I am still thankful. Without pain, we would never know what is wrong with our bodies. Pain tells us what is going wrong in our bodies, just as fever is a sign that tells us that our immunity system is being attacked by foreign organisms. I remembered reading a story about a girl who was born with a defect of the nerves that she cannot feel pain. On one occasion, she was bleeding from cuts and she could not feel the pain. If not that someone noticed the bleeding, she might have bled to death!

Most people would avoid pain - physical pain. That's why anaesthesia was invented. In the operating theatre's recovery room, pain is used as one of the measuring factor if you could leave the operating theatre back to your ward. At least in the Bible, we know that God had cursed women's child bearing to be painful because she had rebelled and disobeyed God. Pain is characteristic of this sinful world. Revelation 21:4 tells us that when the Final Day comes, He (meaning God) will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. I do look forward to that final day where pain and death will be no more....

At least on that final day, my feet won't hurt, my muscles won't ache from exercise and epidural will not be needed for child birth (ok I know that there seem to be no need to multiply in heaven then...) :P

Flowers & Women

"Hi, if you are not busy now, you can go to your Cust Service to collect something. I'll see you later after my appointment with Dr xxx!"

Someone from my DG sent me that sms this morning. Although I was busy, the sms came at a time where I could go pick up the 'something'. To my pleasant surprise, it was a table arrangement of flowers!

It was from a couple from my DG :) She had wanted to choose gerbera at the flower shop but she was advised that sunflower is more cheery. Although sunflower is not my favourite flower, I must admit that it is one which brings cheer and you can't help but smile when you see it :)

I was very moved by the surprise. Its not so much about the pretty flowers. Its the gesture behind the gift. Just 2 days ago, I had just sms her to ask how she was. Casually I also mentioned to her in a few words that I was fighting a political war at work. She had encouraged me in her words via sms at that time. Today's gesture of the flowers was to cheer me up. She reminded me that life only gets better with Jesus on our side.

I'm moved because I was very encouraged. I did not really think that I will receive such warm encouragement from her. I guess I always think of encouraging others, that I forgot how to 'enjoy' encouragement from people. I thank God because He not only love me through Jesus Christ, but He also love me through His people.

The past week has been a tiring one at work. I was tired not because of work load. In short, things happened and I think I have been made target of bully and politics. A saga occurred and probably hasn't ended as yet. In the midst, I see true colours of some people... and surely will see more in due time. I want to get out of it, but I'm not sure if I can. I only can pray that God gives me the wisdom to know what's right and wrong, who is for me and against me, who is real and who is not, who to be trusted and who not to be trusted. I pray God will continue to protect me from those who are trying to harm me. I pray God will provide the ability to just concentrate on my work and therein my testimony will speak for itself. I pray for me to love my enemies. I pray that I will be able to forgive and pray for the salvation of those who tries to harm me.

Flowers have indeed put a smile on my face. Support from friends have indeed encouraged me to press on. Most of all, I know that I can lean on Jesus in all circumstances. It is when I am weak that I can see He is strong.

Technology - Aids Us or Cripples Us?

Rarely forget to bring my Tungsten T5 out of the house with me. All the more I rarely forget to bring it along with me to the office. But today, I actually left my T5 in my living room and I was crippled by the lack of it the whole day!

Friend asked to postpone lunch date. Scheduled meeting date has to be changed. Pastor asked if I could house-sit the Manse. Newly entered contact number in T5. Sorting and accounting for my expenses. Recounting the tasks that I have to complete.

I cannot sort out and confirm all of the above today. The only good thing is that I managed to remember that I was supposed to go buy and collect gifts for my doctors today. Without my T5, life is not the same. Thankfully it was only for a day.

Back at home, T5's energy ran out after I tried to rearrange my schedules, etc. I only used it for a short while!! Well pray that my data in it will not be lost. Now's the time to test if it is true that the data in T5 will not be lost even when the battery runs out.

Can I live a simplier life without technology? Very tough....

Death

Learnt that one of my distant cousins attempted suicide. It was my dad's cousin's son. A fine young man of 25 years old stuffed himself out in the toilet and breathed cardon dioxide until he breath his last on earth. The known reason was because of a failed relationship.

I don't know this cousin very well. Only met him once in 1-2 years during Chinese New Year. When I was younger, a few of us would play with one another during CNY visitation at my grandpa's. Although I am not personally upset by the death, I do feel sorry and sad that someone whom I know would choose to end his own life just like that. Life is just so weak and fragile. Visit the sick in the hospital and you can understand it very well.

Parents and siblings went for the wake and as I'm blogging now, they are all discussing about deaths, wakes, funerals and cremation.... how the older generation should not 'send off' the younger ones, where our ancestors' ashes were placed, what took place at other deaths in the family long ago, details of funeral procession, etc.... Question popped by my mind "Does all these really matters?"

I remembered ever telling my mum that I won't want my ashes to be placed in a Chinese temple if I die earlier than her. I want the nice crematorium with fresh air and ground all around. I surely won't need a wake with all the monks meditating. I want a Christian funeral where the gospel could be shared. Hopefully my life would be worthy to be mentioned to encourage those who are alive. I have already already 'dedicated' 2 songs to be sung at my funeral - "Because He Lives" and "My Hope Rest Firm".

Am I afraid of death? Well the honest answer would be yes... in some extent. I guess I wonder if I can bear a painful death. Probably won't mind if its a painless and quick death. Physical death is a punishment of my rebellion to God. It is sure punishment which every human have to go through. But I thank God because of the gospel and simply because of Christ's work on the cross, I have the passport to go heaven and enjoy eternity with God. My name is on the Book of Life and I'm thankful that I need not do anything to gain the right for my name to appear there. It is all by His grace.

So what's important for me since I am still alive? To lead a life worthy of Christ, to be a Christ-like testimony at home and work. Easier said than done. Lean on His grace, trust Him and be faithful!

Finally Decided....

I made a brave decision this morning.

2-3 weeks ago I was approached by one of my ex-colleague/friend to join her in her current organisation. It was a very tempting offer. The job scope was totally different from what I am doing now. But my friend thought me well enough to join her and work with her. The offer was tempting because it will allow me to learn new things, exposed to a larger organisation, learning from a supervisor I'm comfortable with, higher salary and good career prospects for me to grow in the same industry. I am still young... young enough to venture into other things and to learn and adapt to changes and challenges.

After careful thinking through, seeking God and talking to people, I finally decided that I will not leave my current job. In order not to waste people's time and my time, and the ordeal of going through interview and scrutiny, I rang them up this morning and declined the interview which was supposed to take place this afternoon.

It was not an easy time to decide on this. I am rather comfortable in my job now, yet I do sometimes think of looking for something new and exciting. (Isn't this always the case?) After all, I have been in this organisation for 4.5 years and I am still young. This was a good opportunity as I would be learning from someone I am comfortable with and not a totally new person whom I have to get to know.

I didn't realise I could be quite sentimental. One of the big factor which stop me from leaving, is the good relationships I have with my doctors and colleagues and boss. Of course there are some unpleasant working relationships but by and large, I'm blessed to have the favour of those who would 'take care' of me and whom I can relate well with. Although the new job would give me more money for my bread, but I am not after that. Although my current job scope can be pretty mundane and routined, but I am fully aware that this job suits me and my personality. I am thankful to God for His providence of this present job.

A challenge that I shall put forth to myself - my Christian testimony and how I conduct myself at work. It is not what I do, what job I am in, but how I do and my attitude towards work. I admit my testimony is not perfect. I guess all the more I place this as a challenge for myself, how I can be a Light for Christ, how I can be different because I am saved by God's grace. It is NOT easy to live out a Christ-centred life at work. It is NOT easy to live out a Christ-centred life on earth. I am reminded to depend on Christ every single day, to seek wisdom and grace to obey Him and live a life pleasing to Him. Isn't this the case for all believers in Christ too?

Thank you for those whom I have spoken to and have pray for me in this aspect. Thank God for you :)

[Entry Without Title]

As I'm beginning to blog about my thoughts, I don't know how to begin and what title to make out of this entry. Maybe my vocabulary isn't good or I'm just too mentally drained... anyway I can only describe how I feel now is - tired, numb but yet comforted (Sounds familiar right??)

Tired and Numb

Since the past 2 weeks or so, work's been getting the drain of me. I know this is nothing new for most people but I seldom feel so drained about work itself. So far, if I'm ever tired due to work, its because of the working relations and how work politics are being played out. But I'm recently feeling the drain due to the work load. I cannot answer why my work load's been the peak recently. Things just just pile up altogether. My colleague pointed out to me that I'm burnt out. (Strangely I never thought "burnt out" would be used in relation to my job. It has only been used in my service in ministries) I know why she said I'm burnt out... Of late, I've been making mistakes in my job which I could bang my head against the wall for making those mistakes and I can't figure out where my cow sense went to. Many things come in and out of my head that I either overlook matters and details, or just concerned about getting the work done and forget about the relational aspect and the having common sense to handle matters sensitively and wisely. SIGH... I don't know what can help... maybe a holiday?? I really don't know.

Other than work, I'm also tired with relationships. Don't get me wrong that I'm tired of relating with people. I'm just tired that I cannot be myself when I relate to some people around me. I guess its common to have your intentions misunderstood. But I find it tiring and scary to have to always think carefully how I word every word when I speak to some people. I fully understand about having to be tactful in speech and I am still learning to be more careful in speech. But I find that I'm growing to distant myself from talking to people whom I realised, take my jokes personally and reading my jokes/teasing to personal attacks offensively. I don't like to have to guess if he/she is ok if I were to be myself, to crack a joke and say something. Along with that, I don't like to have to guess if he/she has good or bad intentions (this also happened at workplace). I like to be sincere and honest and likewise, to relate to sincere and honest people. I guess I don't like to put up a fence when relating with people. So when I'm put in a position to have to do that to protect myself, I dislike it.

Comforted

However having said all that, I know that in this sinful and imperfect world, things are like that - be it relating with Christians or non-Christians, colleagues or family or friends. The Bible reminds me that I have the eternal hope in Christ, where at the end of the day, Christ will reign over evil, sin and imperfection and I am promised eternity and a perfect relationship with our Creator God. All the imperfection will be perfected by our Creator. Justice will triumphed over injustice. Good will triumphed over evil. The wronged would be avenged. I look forward to that day where I need not have to be wary of things and people as a self-protective mechanism.

I'm also blessed to have friends who are concerned to be there for me, to have older sisters in Christ and friends to encourage me and to guide me. I'm blessed to have some whom I can trust that they will not 'bully' me and thinking for my own good and to help me see things in a different perspective. I'm blessed to have friends who allow me to be myself and knows me well enough to allow me to be myself.... to be gracious to forgive and forget. I'm thankful also for elderly mentors in my workplace who sees me as their 'daughters' to be nice and gracious to me and for my boss to find favour with me despite my imperfection.

When I now conclude, I still can't find a title for my blog entry.... Maybe to remind myself of these verses in the Bible "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Rising Sun

Friends brought me to a new Japanese eating place at Chijmes #02-01. I had only tried the salmon sashimi and *yum yum* its fresh, sweet and most of all, its chunky!! Prices are a little higher than your usual conveyer belt Japanese eating places but they are reasonable for the quality of food and the modern cosy ambience. A plate of 5 pieces of salmon sashimi cost $9.80.

There is another branch at Wheelock Place Level 3 (where Olio Dome formerly was). But I was told that the food quality at Chijmes is better.

After enjoying dinner at Chijmes Japanese Sun, Upper Club is just next door. For those who enjoy live lounge music and social dancing, here's a place for you to chill out. You can either sit there and watch people dance, or put on your dancing shoes and hit the floor. Check it out!

Pill Popping

For as far as I can remember, I have been a rather healthy girl. I seldom have to take MC during my school days. My 2 most ill times were a 100-day cough when I was about 7 years old and having chicken pox at the age of 16 years old.

However ever since I began working in a hospital 4 years ago, I became more susceptible to to common colds and flus (or is this a aging process??). There began my pill popping habit. I started by popping Vitamin C everyday. I only take them in the office because once I see it in front of me, I will remember to take them. Now, I realise I'm taking an array of vitamins!!

Vitamin C - Antioxidant. 1000mg daily. Helps in immune system, assists in healing process, maintains healthy skin, bones, gums and capiliaries.

Vitamin E - Antioxidant. 400iu daily. Helps to maintain good skin and immune system.

Echinacea Purpurea - Herbal supplement. For building immunity too.

Vegetable Supplement - Daily dose contains 15 types of vegetables. Only taken when I think I don't take enough vegetables for the day. (I'm a cannivore)

Procosa II - Glucosamine Sulphate. 1000mg daily. For my knee problem. Helps in repair and maintenance of body joints.

I think as I grow older, I'll probably need to take more for health maintenance. Although I fully understand that growing old and dying is part of the human processes, I think I should still be responsible to keep my body healthy so that I can be less sick and be able to do things. Well the above does work for me. I get sick less often and my knee's getting better. But of course exercise and balance diet is important.

Talking about health, I was telling my mum how some people I know have difficult pregnancies and unhealthy babies. My mum believes that a woman should 'build her foundation' well before she gets pregnant and be nournished during the pregnancy for a healthy baby. I don't totally buy her idea. Nournish or not, things can still happen. All's in God's hands isn't it? At least I thank God that my mum's 'foundation' was good before she conceived me. She was well-nournished during her pregnancy (she claims that her drinking of soy bean and almond drink was the reason behind my fair skin and good complexion!!). My mum also gave me lots of tonic when I was young. I think some of these would help, but the main thing is not to be too engrossed with them ;)