Learnt that one of my distant cousins attempted suicide. It was my dad's cousin's son. A fine young man of 25 years old stuffed himself out in the toilet and breathed cardon dioxide until he breath his last on earth. The known reason was because of a failed relationship.
I don't know this cousin very well. Only met him once in 1-2 years during Chinese New Year. When I was younger, a few of us would play with one another during CNY visitation at my grandpa's. Although I am not personally upset by the death, I do feel sorry and sad that someone whom I know would choose to end his own life just like that. Life is just so weak and fragile. Visit the sick in the hospital and you can understand it very well.
Parents and siblings went for the wake and as I'm blogging now, they are all discussing about deaths, wakes, funerals and cremation.... how the older generation should not 'send off' the younger ones, where our ancestors' ashes were placed, what took place at other deaths in the family long ago, details of funeral procession, etc.... Question popped by my mind "Does all these really matters?"
I remembered ever telling my mum that I won't want my ashes to be placed in a Chinese temple if I die earlier than her. I want the nice crematorium with fresh air and ground all around. I surely won't need a wake with all the monks meditating. I want a Christian funeral where the gospel could be shared. Hopefully my life would be worthy to be mentioned to encourage those who are alive. I have already already 'dedicated' 2 songs to be sung at my funeral - "Because He Lives" and "My Hope Rest Firm".
Am I afraid of death? Well the honest answer would be yes... in some extent. I guess I wonder if I can bear a painful death. Probably won't mind if its a painless and quick death. Physical death is a punishment of my rebellion to God. It is sure punishment which every human have to go through. But I thank God because of the gospel and simply because of Christ's work on the cross, I have the passport to go heaven and enjoy eternity with God. My name is on the Book of Life and I'm thankful that I need not do anything to gain the right for my name to appear there. It is all by His grace.
So what's important for me since I am still alive? To lead a life worthy of Christ, to be a Christ-like testimony at home and work. Easier said than done. Lean on His grace, trust Him and be faithful!
4 other thoughts:
It's carbon Monoxide not carbon Dioxide
and it's committed suicide not attempted suicide. Boy, aren't we all sensitive and loving here? :)
But seriously now, I was just telling my colleage that the stats show females attempt suicide more than men, but men are more likely to actually succeed (meaning actually die).
I'm just wondering if it's because men are more decisive or/and aggressive? maybe girls just want someone to take notice.
Also ironically, I think the SOS hotline is 1800 225-4444 or something like that (sei sei sei sei)
Marxx: Yup I agree with honouring our folks. But I guess its sometimes a fine line between pleasing them and yet not against my principles/faith. Just like if I'm asked to present a joss stick at a funeral. If I ever do it just to please my folks, it would just be an action and I know who my real God is. But to others, it might be my 'pledge' to another god. I don't know if this is where you are getting at. But I agree that it is not easy and has to be balanced with love.
Kelvin: Is C + O2 = CO or CO2? I thought its CO2? My chemistry could have been long forgotten.
Rust: My English not powderful... so its committed suicide, or ending his/her own life. But thanks for correcting me and providing the hotline :) I think it is much needed for those who need help.
C + O2 = CO2 aka carbon dioxide, ie the stuff that you breathe out.
C + O = CO aka carbon monoxide, eg part of the stuff that car engines "breathe out".
while CO2 in high concentrations is an asphyxiation risk, it's more common for CO to be the agent in suicide cases.
and to commit suicide = to die (ie you succeed at killing yourself), while to attempt suicide = to live (ie you tried but didn't succeed in killing yourself).
here endeth today's lesson :p
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