The Loss of Someone... Promotion to Glory!

Someone I know through work just went to be with the Lord yesterday - he was 92. I was a little surprised. OP and his wife are a very lovely old couple. I suppose I feel a bit sorry for his wife (about his age) being left behind and really, she is the weaker (physically) of the 2. In fact, I thought she would go ahead of him but I was wrong. God, in his old timing, chose to have OP first.

I suppose I should not be surprised by OP's sudden demise. God said in the Bible that we do not know when He will bring us home. It will be very sudden and unexpected. This makes me think of my unsaved parents and family back in my hometown.... my paternal granddad is 97 this year. On my recent trip back, a thought occured to me "Why is God keeping his life until this age? (not that I am cursing him) Is there a reason... perhaps to have a chance to know Jesus?" I really pray so. Granddad is still very healthy but we would never know... we have a language barrier, which makes basic communication already difficult. I do not know but God is all powerful. If He wills, He will bring someone to share with granddad. I have to continue to pray for him... and the rest of my immediate family and my mid-80s maternal grandma.

I also felt for OP's widow. I heard that she is happy he has gone home. Praise the Lord! But I am certain she feels the loss and missing his presence. She is rather frail and one of her shoulder was injured and her movement is limited. He has been the one caring for her. I assume her children will take care of her too, but she will be alone living in the retirement village. However I am very encouraged to see her strong faith and perseverence in the Lord. There is another 97 yo lady I know through work (she is single all her life). Both of them show me how it is like to persevere in Christ even when you are lonely. Their bodies are weak but their spirit is strong. Praise God for examples such as these.

This reminds me of a book given to me from the mum's group last year. I only began to read it in the past week. In its first chapter the glory of a godly woman, it says:

Your future depends on God , not on fallen man. Your security lies with your caring Creator's providence, not with your husband's paycheck. Your acceptance as a person becomes secure when God adopted you, not when your husband proposed to you. If you truly want to love, motivate and influence your husband, your first step must be to connect - to stay connected - with God. Find your refuge, security, comfort, strength and hope in Him.

This line of thinking is neither academic nor theoretical. Statistics show that most women will die as widows. Women, by and large, live longer than men. Since most women marry men as old as or older than they are, the math isn't all that hard to figure out. If you die while still married to your spouse, you'll be in the minority. Sooner or later, you're probably going to have to live without your husband.

This means the day will likely come when you will need strength, courage and character like you've never had before. You'll have to stand on your own. So then, why not develop that strength, courage and character now, while your husband is still living and you're not beside yourself with grief? Why not bless this world with the example of a women defined by God, living a life that reveres God, twenty or thirty years sooner than widowhood forces it on you? ~ Sacred Influence (by Gary Thomas)

I know it sounds morbid but it is very true, isn't it? Even though hubby is only 1 year older than me, statistically there is still a high chance that God will call him home before me. Although I have had thoughts (and fears) that hubby may go before me (and anytime for that matter), those thoughts have never come so close until now. I suppose all the more I need to grow in strength, courage and character as Gary says, so that I can stand on my own when the time comes. I know God is still refining me for His good and His glory...

How to Cope with Depression

Recently I heard news of a Christian who committed suicide in his ministry field and left behind his wife and children. I think the reason behind it was depression.

How do one deal with depression, especially if it is your spouse or family member who has it? An article from the Sydney Anglician Network gives some advice -

1) Remember you can't cure them and look after yourself.

2) Be a friend - ask them out, accept them, isten to them.

3) Encourage them to seek help.

4) Pray FOR them and WITH them if it helps, but don't make them feel guilty.

Funeral

This video was shown in Singapore tv... to promote "think family". Quite moving... and reminded me not to take my loved ones for granted.. 

Family Legacy

Hubby's grandma was called home to be with the Lord last Wednesday. She was 91 of age. I first met ah ma (I think) when I visited my then-boyfriend in Brisbane. Known to everyone and to me, she was a lovely old lady with beautiful white hair and a really warm smile. Since I moved slightly over more than a year ago, I have had opportunity to spend 2 of her last birthdays with her.

Ah ma's birthday celebration in 2007

Ah ma's 91st birthday celebration in 2008

My impression of ah ma was that she was simple, humble, contented and does not like to impose on others, even though it is her own children/family. You may read her eulogy on hubby's blog. At the funeral service, my FIL also spoke about her. One thing that impressed on my mind - ah ma don't want to live in a big house. She is happy and contented to live in any house so long as the roof does not leak. After her husband passed on some 10 years ago, she'd rather live by herself in a retirement village because she does not want to impose on any of her 6 children and be a 'guest' at their places. She spends her time every day praying for every one of her children and their spouses, grandchildren and their spouses and great-grandchildren by name. One of the fond memories when her children were young, was that they often lie close to her after dinner and she will read them bible stories and pray with them under the stars... and would often, sing her favourite hymn "Jesus is all the world to me".

Jesus is all the world to me, my life, my joy, my all;
He is my strength from day to day, without Him I would fall.
When I am sad, to Him I go, no other one can cheer me so;
When I am sad, He makes me glad, He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me, my Friend in trials sore;
I go to Him for blessings, and He gives them over and over.
He sends the sunshine and the rain, He sends the harvest’s golden grain;
Sunshine and rain, harvest of grain, He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me, and true to Him I’ll be;
O how could I this Friend deny, when He’s so true to me?
Following Him I know I’m right, He watches over me day and night;
Following Him by day and night, He’s my Friend.

Jesus is all the world to me, I want no better Friend;
I trust Him now, I’ll trust Him when life’s fleeting days shall end.
Beautiful life with such a Friend, beautiful life that has no end;
Eternal life, eternal joy, He’s my Friend.

This has made hubby and I reflect on the legacy that she has left behind... You know how they say that first generation Christians are live God-fearing lives but their second and third generations seem to be 'less godly' or may not even know Jesus? Ah ma and ah gong (whom I have only seen in photos) have been really faithful to God and completed their race with perseverence (ah gong was the 'founder' of the Chinese Methodist Church when he migrated to Brisbane after pastoring a church in Sarawak). My in-laws are also very faithful and godly disciples of Jesus. With this, hubby and I are motivated and prayerful that we will also be godly and faithful parents to our children (God-willing) that they too will know Jesus and that their children and grandchildren and all generations after will also know Jesus (Psalm 78:1-8).

Ah ma, thanks for everything you have left behind. Farewell and see you soon in heaven!

Christian Star Grieves Daughter's Death

I'm not sure if this is old news. I just saw the link and I thought I will go watch the video interview of Steven Curtis Chapman, whose teenage son accidentally ran his 5-year-old sister on their driveway.

I thought it was encouraging to see how the family grieve over the death of their adopted daughter/sister and also forgive and continue to live on with hope. Steven and his wife has 3 children of their own and they also adopted 3 other girls from China.

Because of God's grace, we can forgive those who wrong us, for God also forgives us of whatever wrong that we done against Him. And because of the hope we have in Jesus Christ, we can continue to live on on earth until we see Him (and our loved ones) in heaven, where there will be no more death, pain, grief and suffering.

Watch the video

Overdue Bits & Pieces

There was a silence of about 3 months which I didn't blog. Many things had happened... [be warned that this is a long post]

1. Uncle suddenly passed away mid March;
2. Grandma also quite unexpectedly passed away in April;
3. I left my 6-years' job;
4. I went for some romantic dinner;
5. A mountain top experience;
6. Now I am preparing for a new future and the move....

Since late last year and through to the first quarter of this year, I had been quite stressed up at work, mostly with one person who made life difficult for me. The stress showed up in my body. That was why I had digestion/stomach problems and other symptoms which my body signaled to show me that something wasn't right. Thank God for designing a wonderful systematic body system that alerts us when our body is not right. This calls for us then, to be doing something so that we won't 'ill treat' the bodies that God gave to us.

Uncle's sudden death created quite a stir. He was single and has had kidney failure for past 22 years. Despite that, he was generally well physically. He woke up in the middle of the night feeling breathless and within minutes, stopping breathing and went to be with the Lord. One thing to be thankful is that he died a quick death but it was a sudden one to the entire family. For the next few days then, my family and extended family went through the wake and funeral. In particular, I was much involved in the wake/funeral/aftermath. Besides me, uncle was the only other Christian in the extended family. The proceedings and handling of his funeral fell on my shoulders. I am glad that my family trust me so much to be handling everything (when there are other elders around) but yet I was very stressed up by having to see to almost every little thing and having to be put in a position of responsibility. I suppose I have been too tired of having to always been looked at, to bear responsibility and so I easily get stressed up by it.

However uncle's death also did us some good. There were opportunities for gospel to be shared. At least my family got to see how a Christian funeral is like and why it is a time to rejoice when a Christian dies, although there is a grief for the person's departure from our lives on earth. At times like these, sometimes you see the true side of people - most showed much love, few others showed their sinfulness.

Less than one month later, grandma (mother of my deceased uncle) suddenly fell down and passed away the next day. Grandma was not a Christian. When she was alive, she had declined believing in Jesus. She thinks that the younger generation (like me) can accept but she don't need to. Anyway, the Buddhist wake/funeral was totally different from a Christian one. I am sure my entire family could tell the difference. For one, we the ones living on earth need not do anything to appease the dead nor worship them as we only worship one God and only need to please Him. Whereas for non-believers, they have the notion that they need to do certain things, burn certain things (for the dead) to appease the dead and to 'ensure that those who are alive would be blessed'. I am glad that Jesus's one death died for all. Through Him, everything has been done for and we need not do anything else, except to live holy and changed lives as a follower of Christ (of course this ain't that easy...)

I was less stressed at grandma's wake/funeral. Main reason was that I needn't be looked upon to handle things... because I don't know what to do for Buddhist funerals! I am also thankful for W who was around to help out in many big and small ways... and to provide moral, physical and spiritual support. And one of the greatest thing was to know and see the support and love I got from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in church, my colleagues and my closest friends. For one, my DG gave up bible study time on a Wednesday night to attend the wake. They did this to render support and love to me and my family. I didn't expect that to happen but I thought that should that other than strictly studying God's word, they put God's love in action - to be there for a sister in Christ in need. (For the record, my DG did 2 studies at the following week's gathering :p)

Because of grandma, my holiday trip to KL and Sabah was postponed... so also was someone's plans to pop THE question ;) How could I say No to a man who took 1 month's no pay leave to spend time with me, who brought me out to a romantic dinner in cable car and with roses and paper stars and a poem and a diamond ring on his knees AND a sincere and earnest heart? But of course I wasn't that shallow... there were more reasons for me to say "yes" ;p

Due to so many things that had happened, I decided I needed a break and cancelled my planned climb of Mount Kinabalu with W and his friends. We went to Sabah and although it was delayed by a few days, it was a much needed and well-deserved rest. While the others attempt the climb, I stayed at the Kinabalu Park by myself for about 30 hours. I spent the time praying, reading and journaling in the cool air of the mountain and viewing the splendid creation of God every moment... There were a few moments where I thought I was mildly depressed... I came to realise that too many things have happened in a short time unexpectedly and so I was totally unprepared and therefore very easily stressed up over the smallest thing. I had to learn to accept that I am grown up. I need to face life situations as an adult and handle them as an adult. God has given me a protected and sheltered life. I am reminded of my sinfulness, my need for God and it challenged my trust and dependence on Him. I broke down, I praised God, my thoughts and my emotions just flowed overwhelmingly. I thank God for revealing to me many things - why I was like that, how I have been, what I will be facing. He also reminded and assured me of His immense love, His great mercy and His everlasting grace. God has really been really good to me in my life. He has given me much blessings. In fact, I already have every spiritual blessing possible! There is a time for every season in our lives. God is sovereign over all things and over our lives. I thank God for the beautiful time I spent with Him, in which I termed it "my mountain top experience". Thank God for refreshing me with His Word and His Spirit... and His creation :)

Through it all, I also realised that I have not been praying enough for the salvation of my family and extended family. Other than praying, I also need to strive to live a good testimony and take every chance to share the gospel. I admit that it is not easy... sharing Christ with family is the most difficult because they have seen you at your worst. How do I let them understand that I am only but a sinner saved by grace?

These have been the reasons to my absence from blogging for 2 months. The 1 other month of absence shall be posted in another entry...

Hard Love

Saw/heard this about 1 month back:
"Suppose 2 persons get to know 1000 persons on average in a lifetime, the chances of meeting each other is 1 in 100,000. So what are the chances of them falling for each other?? Perhaps we have never seriously thought how hard it is for two persons to be in love... and for two persons to stay committed for life is even harder to come by."

Church is now doing a series on 1 John. I was reminded that the mark of God's believers is the test of love. It was not surprising to keep hearing Pastor C emphasizing on loving your brothers.. loving people, for most parts of this year. Having the knowledge of the truth and God's word, the most difficult part is for us to live it out in our lives.

To love - easier said than done. How often do we only look out for our own self interest and gain? How do we treat our loved ones? Do you regard yourself better than others? How often do we think others have wronged us whilst we have been angels to them? Do we only love those who are lovable?

The Lovables
Isn't baby D cute? Who won't melt at seeing him? Its easy to love someone as cute as baby D, easy to love nice people, good-looking people, people who are fun to be with.

I am guilty of not loving the unlovables. Someone I know and dislike, has passed away from a heart attack a few days ago. His death was quite an irony (but I shall not elaborate further lest I disclose his identity). Some were not saddened by his sudden demise, but some others were sad that it happened so suddenly for someone who was not that old. I was shocked and had a few seconds of disbelief when I saw the obituary on the papers. Although I don't like him, I was still very surprised by his sudden death.

Honestly I was not the only one who found it difficult to love this man. I know its too late but now that he is not around, I wonder how I could have been more loving. I am not close to him enough to love him in the romantic ways or even show him any acts of love. But I suppose by not complaining to others about him could have been one way of being loving... and that has to begin with the heart of loving.

There are many examples of people whom I can quote that I find them difficult to love. I don't declare to be able to love them all from this instant moment. But I pray that I can begin bit by bit to be loving. I too, a sinner, but God loved me so much. If I truly understood the gospel, I must pass the love test.

In Our Relationships
Pastor specifically mentioned the marriage relationship. When we find it difficult to love our spouses "He/she is so... (fill in a negative word), how can I possibly live with him/her? How can I love him/her?" Like the quote at the beginning of this entry, it is becoming more difficult for people to stay in their marriages and not calling it quits. Do we then give up loving our spouses, seek a divorce and look for someone else to love? Chances are, we will also find it difficult to love the next person in other ways.

In Christian marriages, we do not "move on" to find someone better but we "hold on"... just as the marriage vow "for better or for worse, till death do us part".

In our relationships with each other, do we put the other person before ourselves, putting the other's needs above ours? Do we go our way out to "love until we bleed"? If our love is not reciprocated/appreciated, we still carrying on loving risking our own interests?

Only Jesus has demonstrated that love perfectly. We can only model after his love and trusting that we can give that love, not by our own but with His strength and His love.

Ministerial Love
I have also been recipient by others' of acts of love. M has been cooking yummy-licious dinner for the DG for the past 3 weeks and there's more to come. Time and effort put in to cook enough to feed 8-10 hungry people each week.

R also opened up his house and his wife cooked us a simple yet delicious 4-course lunch for my music team. Their humility and love has blessed the team as we fellowship and get to know one another on top of the time that we usually spent practising music and serving at Sunday services.

Food is not the only avenue that people do to show their love. I am also greatly encouraged by people who have been using their cars to minister to others without cars - going all the way out to ferry people from one location to another. I am also blessed by my "Transport Minister" after DG ends late at night :)

Loving God
John reminds us in 1 John 2, that we are to say no to the world and its ways. "Do not love the world or anything in the world" (2:15) We are to say "yes" to God and to continue to believe in Jesus Christ. We are to reject the antichrists (2:18-23) who distract us from God and tempts us with another gospel or anything more than the gospel.

We are reminded to remain in Christ, in the word that we first believe - the gospel, so that nothing can make us insecure abotu Christ. We cannot love the world and love God together at the same time. Love for God and love for the world are mutually exclusive. We have to choose - love God or love the world (world meaning worldliness - cravings of sinful man, lust of this eyes and boasting of what he has)?

LOVE - a word easy to spell but not easy to act on. Remembering how God first loved us and by His grace, may we continue to love...

Nothing Can Separate Me from Your Love

One of the songs that Watermelon girl wrote... inspired from Romans 8.

The Romans 8 Song
What would it be if I could live my life again
Would I choose riches or the praises of men
Sometimes I'm tempted to choose romance
And the possibility that my loneliness will end

But in your mercy you've brought me here today
After I've searched my heart I know that i will say:
"I choose Jesus, because He chose me first."
And every day I'm so amazed at the sufficiency of His love

Chorus
(So) For I am convinced that neither death nor life
Neither angels nor demons, the present nor the future
Nor any powers, neither height nor death
Nor anything else in all creation
Will be able to separate us from (Your) His love

What shall it be that tries to draw me away
Trouble or hardship, persecution or famine
Nakedness, mortality, danger or sword
Or the humdrum of daily life
Or that I'm so easily bored

Let your love dwell in me fully
So when the evil days come
I can stand my ground
Guarded by your righteousness
Through the blood of Jesus
Shed for undeserved us
While we were still sinners

Mutation

One of the modules I studied in Varsity was about tumour and cancer cells. I recalled it being one of the modules that interests me a little more then. I learnt how normal cells in our body can be mutated, not function normally and replicate at a tremendously uncontrolled rate. When such occur, the cells are termed 'cancerous'. If you wish to know more, you may read up a simple explanation with some video illustration.

At the end of my long tiring day at work, I had to sit in a meeting with 10 other cancer specialist doctors (Oncologists). Although I studied Biochemistry (one subject in Medicine), I could hardly fully understand what they were talking about. I know that they were discussing the various treatment methods for their cancer patients. Some medical terms I understood and recognised but most I don't. Carcinoma, sacroma, RT, ressection, chemotherapy, names of chemotherapy drugs, CR, CT scans, MRI scans, nasopharenx, lymphoma, etc... I know these but those with longer alphabets and too clinical a term, they got be baffled.

Through the meeting I got to learn that the wife of someone whom I know via work, has a reoccurence of cancer. For a second, I searched through the database of my brains to ask if this was the same person that I know? And of course it was. I recalled how that someone I know also put up a strong fight with cancer but lost the battle in the end and God called him home. Now his wife's cancer has recurred... and with the many young children she has... how is she going to cope?

Images of the look on her face and her spirit to hang on, were brought out from my memory bank. I had met her once to pass her something a couple of years ago. I also remembered encouraging her to hang on and lean on Christ. If God were to take her home too, how's her young children gonna go on? I have ever wondered if I would be able to be so strong if I were her. Yes God's grace will sustain us but truly not easy still... It suddenly felt more personal and real. The p53 oncogene, T-cells and B-cells... yup I studied them all. I know I have forgotten most of what I studied. It was so academic then. But now, it became medical for me at the meeting and will it ever be personal for me? Of course I don't wish to have cancer but we all do know the high possible risk of people dying from cancer. It could be you one day... it could very well be me too....

It is easy to say God is in control and no doubt He is the almighty God of all the universe. But one day if crisis strikes at our doors, how do we stand before God? The lyrics of a song came to my mind.... when a few of my friends were talking about funerals, I did mention to get them sing and play this song at my funeral!

My Hope Rest Firm

My hope rest firm on Jesus Christ,
He is my only plea;
Though all the world should point and scorn,
His ransom leaves me free,
His ransom leaves me free

My hope sustains me as I strive

And strain towards the goal;
Though I still stumble into sin,
His death paid for it all,
His death paid for it all.

My hope provides me with a spur
to help me run this race:
I know my tears will turn to joy
The day I see His face,
The day I see His face

My hope is to be with my Lord,
To know as I am known:
To serve Him gladly all my days
In praise before His throne
In praise before His throne

Death

Learnt that one of my distant cousins attempted suicide. It was my dad's cousin's son. A fine young man of 25 years old stuffed himself out in the toilet and breathed cardon dioxide until he breath his last on earth. The known reason was because of a failed relationship.

I don't know this cousin very well. Only met him once in 1-2 years during Chinese New Year. When I was younger, a few of us would play with one another during CNY visitation at my grandpa's. Although I am not personally upset by the death, I do feel sorry and sad that someone whom I know would choose to end his own life just like that. Life is just so weak and fragile. Visit the sick in the hospital and you can understand it very well.

Parents and siblings went for the wake and as I'm blogging now, they are all discussing about deaths, wakes, funerals and cremation.... how the older generation should not 'send off' the younger ones, where our ancestors' ashes were placed, what took place at other deaths in the family long ago, details of funeral procession, etc.... Question popped by my mind "Does all these really matters?"

I remembered ever telling my mum that I won't want my ashes to be placed in a Chinese temple if I die earlier than her. I want the nice crematorium with fresh air and ground all around. I surely won't need a wake with all the monks meditating. I want a Christian funeral where the gospel could be shared. Hopefully my life would be worthy to be mentioned to encourage those who are alive. I have already already 'dedicated' 2 songs to be sung at my funeral - "Because He Lives" and "My Hope Rest Firm".

Am I afraid of death? Well the honest answer would be yes... in some extent. I guess I wonder if I can bear a painful death. Probably won't mind if its a painless and quick death. Physical death is a punishment of my rebellion to God. It is sure punishment which every human have to go through. But I thank God because of the gospel and simply because of Christ's work on the cross, I have the passport to go heaven and enjoy eternity with God. My name is on the Book of Life and I'm thankful that I need not do anything to gain the right for my name to appear there. It is all by His grace.

So what's important for me since I am still alive? To lead a life worthy of Christ, to be a Christ-like testimony at home and work. Easier said than done. Lean on His grace, trust Him and be faithful!