Hospital Visit

I earlier blogged about recommending a friend's uncle to see specialist doctors in Singapore and helped by being around to make the various arrangements. Uncle was due to discharge today but in the end doctor did not give him the green light. In the end, I missed going to church for leadership training but stayed on to be around for uncle.

I shall not share about the details of what had happened, but my thoughts from interaction with uncle this morning. Uncle is a Christian but I saw the weaker side of him as he was tested to trust God for his health. Being a Christian doesn't make us any less human. We too, go through our share of fears, disappointments, worries, sadness. What is different is how we deal with them and the hope that we have in Jesus Christ. Listening to uncle's sharing of his life and the work that he has done in sharing the gospel, does somewhat put me to shame, but yet also challenges me.

I wonder how my faith and trust in Jesus will be tested when I undergo physical trials. Yes I may be quite a 'fervent' Christian now, serving Him in various ministries... but when I face trials like facing a real medical condition, will I be able to trust God that He is sovereign and that He is in control of my life? My life has been redeemed by Christ. Jesus has died on the Cross to save me. My life is already His and for His glory, what do I have to claim that its mine? Yet I know that its still difficult because I still have to decide how I should be living my life - be my own King and satisfy myself, or surrender to Christ and use my life for His Kingdom? To quote uncle, he said in Mandarin that our lives are temporal. God gave us our lives and had graciously saved us. We are finite but by His strength and grace, we should do use our lives to God's work while we can and to glorify Him. Wealth and status are all really not so important as they are fleeting (I thought of the book of Ecclesiates). I had a passing thought: should I put aside everything and do full-time Christian work??

Uncle did so much for God in his days of youth and even now in his elderly days. (If he were 40 years younger, I'll probably be attracted to his godliness!!) Uncle's recounting of how he prayed for his loved ones to know Christ and the faith he had in God then, puts me to shame because I don't think I have half of that fervour and the heart of prayer! He was indeed a faithful man of God. Have I been doing enough to share the gospel with my colleagues and family? Have I even prayed earnestly for their salvation?

I know uncle won't be reading this entry. Even though he thinks that I had been very nice to be helping him in the past week and I too had tried to be around for him and to at least give him a nice and reassuring smile that things are okay.... but really uncle has also ministered to me and encouraged me with the sharing of his life. I had never thought that I would have so much reflections and thoughts from my simple gesture of helping someone to recommend a doctor. Incidentally, uncle and I share the same birthday but we are 46 years apart! I pray that I too, when I grow old with my wrinkles, my children and grandchildren would come to know Christ and be encouraged and challenged by my life testimony to hang on in our walk in Christ...

Beauty Secrets

Ok I know this isn't exactly edifying... but I thought I shall disclose the 'secret' to having a good facial complexion. In the past year, quite a few people has come up to me to say that I've a good complexion. Honestly I've never noticed it nor did I deliberately do anything to improve it. But since many has said so, I think back and I guess its a combination of factors and so I decided to blog this :)

My immunity system started to weaken a bit since I began work at where I am now. I had always been very healthy, seldom falling ill. To boost my immunity, I began to take vitamins. As you know, vitamin A, C and E are antioxidants. They help to fight against the organisms in our bodies which make us sick. I have been taking vitamin C (at least 500mg) and E (at least 300iu. Ideally should be 400iu). Antioxidants also gives us good skin, especially vitamin E.

I don't buy expensive facial products. The facial cleanser I use and even my toner, moisturiser are those that you can typically buy them off the racks of local pharmacies and departmental stores. Each item cost no more than $20. Although I started to use a pore minimiser, I think that only worked because of all the other factors. Important thing is to wash your face daily after cleansing your face from all dirt and make-up using a proper cleanser suitable for your skin type.

To top it, I think my facial scrub (about 2 times a week) and facial mask (I try to find time to do this once a week!) do help. Facial scrub helps to exfoliate your dead skin cells on your face and again this need not be the expensive type. The facial mask I use is the DIY type. I personally like the peel-off type as supposed to those wash-off type. I love the feeling to peeling it off my face, as though I'm tearing away my old skin :P The mask I use cost about $35 and that can last me for at least 10 months!

As a disclaimer, the above has worked for me but it will vary from person to person. I did not specify the brands that I'm using, but if you want to know, you can ask me privately :) In any case, I did not try very hard to have good complexion. I was just doing the routine stuff. And yes I don't go for regular facial sessions at the beauty salon. Don't envy me because good skin or not, its all God-given. Don't compare.... But really, if you have good products or good tips for my eye bags and dark circles (besides asking me to sleep more), I would like to know them :) See.... I told you God is fair.....

God Works In Ways We May Not Understand...

God answers prayer and guides me in unexpected ways...

Recommended a friend's Indonesian uncle to see a specialist doctor on Monday. I didn't know how much I could be of a help and encouragement to the elderly couple. Since they were all foreigners, I accompanied them to one specialist doctor to another, sat in doctor consultations, explaining and translating from English to Mandarin, assuring uncle not to be nervous, etc. All these had been time-consuming and I didn't expect this to happen! By God's grace, I was able to cope with my work whilst accompanying them.

Things didn't hit me until Wednesday when a church friend called me up early in the morning to seek for recommendation to see an eye specialist for her eye problem. A few things seemed to clash in timing that morning and it got me a bit fustrated. But surprisingly all worked out well in timing and I was at least able to spend time with this friend for a while before she saw the doctor and amidst all these, I was arranging for my friend's uncle medical report and doctor consultation. At the end of long eventful day to do so many things in one day, I realised that I have handled so many unexpected situations and I know all's only by His grace.

Why is all this extraordinary? Because I had been thinking if I should move on to a new job. I don't have a particular reason to leave but wondered if I should just change and move on. God has assured me through this past week that I should stay on... stay on to have the opportunity to help and be a blessing to others when they require help, advice to consult specialist doctors, assurance where required. What happened in the past week is atypical of my normal work week. When I thought I had been the encouraging party, the parties whom I thought I had encouraged had been an encouragement to me too! My church friend and the elderly couple - they had encouraged me through their lives. And little did they know that my helping them has assured me that I should stay on in my job so that I can help and bless others in future. All these had come in good timing as I was really questioning about my life, my ministries and my work just the last week. And God just placed situtations in my life to provide answers for me. Thanks for those who have prayed for me :)

I'm also thankful for the people in my workplace. If not for colleagues and doctors who had graciously helped, I would not have been able to help others much. Thank God for good working relationships that I have the favour of those people. And yup I will not flip through the Recruitment papers today. Learn to be contented with what God has already give me.

Singing Birds

Was packing my stuff when I chanced upon this photo. The J & J Oskars made this into a Christmas card and gave to all the singers. We sang for church's Christmas musical (held at Victoria Theatre) "The Wait" in 2000. Its been 5 years! See whom you can recognise from the photo!! :P

What Do You Enjoy Doing Most?

My bible study leader asked us the above question as we began our last bible study on the book of Malachi. Some answers went "I enjoy sleeping", "playing Pictionary", "following up on sports programme", etc.

For me, I really enjoy a few things... difficult to pick out what I enjoy most:

Playing taboo with friends and enjoying the fellowship that comes out of it (this was what I shared at DG)

Having deep and meaning conversation with a good friend in a relax environment, either at a nice cafe or nice cool outdoor place.

Grocery shopping - thoughts of planning to cook for loved ones whilst shopping for groceries.

Driving a car (when I'm not in a rush), accompanied by jazz music. My latest favourite is the Nat King Cole's collection of songs from the movies.

I realised I really enjoy driving, but only really when I'm not in a hurry to get to a place. I don't have a car of my own. Only get to drive daddy's car about once a week, when I have to kinda 'beg' him to use the car. I was always in a hurry to get to places as my dad would only decide at the last minute to let me use the car. That's where I learn how to drive fast.... and sometimes not so safely :P

I get to use the car a little more frequently now, because now he doesn't drive to work. As I drove around just now, I realised that I like the feeling of being in control of a car (mine's a manual gear car), having the convenience to get to places. Sometimes driving makes me feel like I've the power to do many things. Driving makes me feel confident. Driving makes me feel good about myself....

Suddenly a little voice called out "Hey you really enjoy driving that much? Remember what was discussed at DG?" I was reminded how I can enjoy all the things in this world, but do I enjoy them so much that I cannot give up all these pleasures? Do I look forward to Christ's return? Am I desiring more of this world or more of my heavenly riches? I was humbled and ashamed that truly, it seemed difficult to just be contented of what I have, be thankful and not desire anything more than Christ.

Back to driving, I remembered a friend once asked me to imagine how inconvenient it would be when he has a family of 2 kids in future and he had to move around to places without a car. My immediate answer to him then, was that if he really can't afford a car, then go around in public transport. My parents used to bring me and my sister around without a car... we took buses and sometimes taxis. Even when my brother came along and all of us were still young, my parents didn't have a car! (My dad could only afford a car about 8 years ago) If my parents can do it, I can too right? Now on hind sight, because I'm so used to the convenience of having a car, I wonder if I still was able to do what I told my friend 4 years ago...

With a car or without a car, I think the most important thing is how I think about owning a car, or having a car to drive around. I should learn to be contented and be thankful that I have a car to use... and what do I do when I have a car to use? Do I selfishly take myself around and not use it to be a blessing to others?

Things in this world are fleeting. Be thankful of the blessings He has given me. Fear God and obey His word, for this is what He calls me to do.

To My Dear Sister and Friend....

As I was travelling on the bus, a beeper sound from my mobile tells me that I have an incoming sms. It was a sms from overseas, from JQ who had replied to my earlier sms to tell her that I'm struggling with an issue.

Strangely I didn't fall asleep on the bus during this journey... (I normally do so very easily!!) I thought and marvelled at how 2 years have sped past but JQ won't be fulfilling her plans to come back to Singapore after her work stint in Jakarta. Amazingly in the last 2 years, we still kept in very much contact (long distance relationship :P), sharing much of our every happiness, disappointments, struggles and joy.

JQ, the below is dedicated to you :) (Warning: I'm not artistic and neither am I good at poetry!!!)

I was first introduced to you as J's cousin
Where I left a deep impression on you by calling you J's 'ka-chng'

We sang in "The Wait" Musical 2000 and Christmas Cantata 2001
And served in Camp Committees in Kuantan 2001 and Putrajaya 2002

In Surprise DG, we study God's word and pray
We also grew deeper as friends as we watched movies and play

I made tiramisu while you boil oxtail soup
Now I do wish that I can taste a scoop *yum*

You are good at design but I know nuts about design
I am organised but you are *ahem* surely not organised :P

We travelled, we shared our lives and we cried
Over men in our lives who made us laugh and cry

Across the distance you listened as I shared my stressful SARS days
Across the distance I also listened as you shared your struggling YCAB days

Happy, I felt for you when you found a man who loves you so
Sad, because I know it meant you won't be back in Singapore as you planned so

Now you will soon be walking down the aisle as a bride
While I'm here hoping to also get my chance one day, but for now I'll be your brides... maid

Looking back, we have both grown older, closer and wiser
Looking forward, I hope we will keep each other in mind and in prayer

No matter what happens and where in the world we will be
The friendship between you and I, will always be precious as it can be

29 June 2003: The sun was setting and the cold winds blew
We sat outside the Sydney Opera House, sharing our dreams, our goals and our men.

JQ, thank you for your love for me as a friend and sister-in-Christ. Thank God that He kept us closely together despite our personality differences and our physical distances. I pray that no matter what we go through in our lives, we will continue to trust and obey God, until we see Him in heaven :) Missing you....

Unusual mixed feelings

Neonangel invited Tissue Aunty to church service last Sunday. Excitedly, I agreed to meet up with them to attend service together. I'm so glad that Aunty was coming to service!

As I sat at the Fellowship Hall waiting and chatting with Aunty and Neonangel as they ate their breakfast, I notice another fellow Brother-in-Christ walked in through the gates with a blind uncle holding on to his arm.

The main hall was packed with people (it being the baptism service). Neonangel, Aunty and I went to the overflow room on Level 2. There I met the blind uncle again. I ended up sitting in between the blind uncle and the tissue aunty (she just told us to address her as Mdm Tan or "Chen Nu Shi" in Mandarin).

Now, I didn't think anything very much about it, although I knew that I was not feeling comfortable... something was out of place, something unusual.... Then I realised that its because this was the first time I was sitting beside the type of people whom you will seldom see in our church. Wait! I don't look down on the blind uncle nor Mdm Tan. Sorry, but look at the people my church... when would you often see a blind man or an aunty who doesn't dress well like the other adults in church? These 2 persons surely stood out in the crowd.

At one point, I questioned my thoughts about sitting with them. Do I just look at them and pity them? Are they less lovable than my other friends? I was reminded of how Jesus said that he came for the sinners and tax-collectors. Jesus said that "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Surely Jesus loves the blind uncle and the tissue aunty too! They too, like us, need salvation, need Jesus!!

I suddenly see the ugly side of me - realising that I'm probably not as compassionate as I thought I was, that I could love these people. I can't find the words to describe my feelings but I just felt.... strange and somewhat numb....

Recalling my one and only mission trip thus far.... I went to Macau for a month, 5 years ago. There, I met ex-drug addicts, prisoners and ex-prisoners, children with all sorts of complicated family background, patients in the hospital who feel they have no hope, teenagers with habit of stealing, etc... I had so much more empathy for them then. Each patient I visited in the hospital, listened to them and prayed with them, I'll feel so sorry that I can't help but cry... so many people I met, so many stories I heard... they were so overwhelming. I felt that I had taken so many things for granted.... what's happening to me now?

I realised that I'm so comfortable with my life now and contented with status quo, yet moving on in an urban lifestyle, that I fail to stop and notice these people... what kind of people? People unlike you and I - don't need to really worry about a roof over our heads, our meals, physically well, no major vices, well-educated....

It was easy to segregate the 'life in Macau' and 'life in Singapore'. In Macau, it would be easy to tell yourself that you are only there for 4 weeks. Life in Singapore is what I am used to.... my reality.... because I grew up in Singapore! But for the Macanese, vices, dishonest way of living, was their reality! In this first world country, we are so used to luxury living. We feel that we deserve it because we worked hard. Yet in Macau, I remember the pastor told us - one would only make it big in Macau if you resort to dishonesty and illegal trade. A down-to-earth, honest, hard-working fellow will forever remain poor... this is not what we were taught by our parents, isn't it???

Anyway, I guess I still can't exactly figure out how I'm feeling, except "strange". At least I know that I surely have taken things for granted and sometimes I don't know how to appreciate the blessings that I am enjoying already. Sometimes I think that my life is simple enough (I'll talk about being simple another time), but yet my definition of "simple" is Mdm Tan's and probably some others' "luxury" and "abundance".

I pray God will continue teach me to be thankful for what I already have and not complaining about what I do not have....

I'd Rather Love

It is easy to remember what 1 Corinthians 13 reads, when I remember the lyrics of a song which Hwee wrote. I sang the song for D's wedding that I coordinated in May last year. My very good friend JQ is getting married in exactly a month's time from now. She has also just asked me to sing this same song at her wedding. I'll be flying to Indonesia to be her bridesmaid :) Thanks Hwee for composing this song and allowing me to sing at others' weddings :)

Humming the tune of the song and remembering the lyrics of the song "I'd Rather Love", I was reminded of the lessons learnt in the book of Malachi which we had just finished. One of my take-home lesson from Malachi was how the Israelites 'offer sacrifices and prayers' to God but He's still not pleased. The Israelites offered defiled animals to worship God in the temple, they 'rob' God by not giving tithes. They pray at the temple and offered sacrifices to God but in action, they break faith (divorce) with their wives to marry daughters of foreign lands and therefore break covenant with God. In my response to this God who saved me from my wretched self, I question if I had been half-hearted in my service to Him? Have I only worship Him in my lips but not living out in my life? Have I complained that God doesn't love me when things don't go right? Isn't His love already demonstrated through Jesus' death for me on the cross? Can I also say I love God if I won't show love to God's people? God is surely displeased with half-hearted worship.

Romans 12:1-2 tells us that God wants us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Him. This is our spiritual act of worship. God does not want us to conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I thank God that through songs, I remembered His Word. And through His Word, He reminded me how I ought to live out my life, holy and pleasing to Him.

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels

If I have the gift of prophercy and all mysteries I can fanthom

If I've all knowledge and the faith that can move mountains

Still I have nothing without love

If I give all I possess, to the poor, the blind, the lame

If I surrender my body to the flames

Still I can't escape Your word judging the thoughts of my heart

I know if I have not love, I gain nothing

Love is patient, love is kind

It does not envy, it does not boost

It is not proud, nor rude

It does not seek to please myself

Love is not angered easily

It keeps no records of wrongs and misgivings

Delights in no evil but rejoices with the truth

It projects and trust, hopes and perseveres

Love never fails

If I can love my friends and my family

But if I judge and hate the ones I call my enermies

Would You call me a hypocrite and a pharisee

Can I love You who are out of sight?

If I devote my time to church but fail to stop and think

With what kind of heart do I serve Your saints in Your ministry

Lord keep me always humble for the Spirit and Your word

Say if I do not love, I do nothing

You showed the greatest love when You sent Your Son to the cross

To die for our sins

And day by day I pray that I will be more and more like Jesus

(hee... I'm surprised that I can remember the lyrics of the entire song...)

Letters to Christian Guy and Girl

Mrkaif wrote "A Letter to Christian Girl" and Myagape beat me in the response to it. I shall then comment after reading both letters.

I guess all these discussions began since church camp 2 months back. The Book of Proverbs became our 'template' to BE that godly man and woman and also our criteria of the CHOICE of our life partners.

To the Christian Guy:

The christian girl would be flattered to know that you deemed her godly and faithful. However she is also a sinner like you. She is not 'untouchable' or 'too good' for you. I hope you won't be too disappointed if you later find out that she has her own struggles and insecurities like you can have. No one is perfect. Isn't the purpose of a relationship to help each other grow in their godliness towards Christ?

God calls all His believers to strive to live out the holy lives that He has called us to. The christian girls are just trying in their attempts to obey and honour God. Serving in ministries is only a way of the expression in obedience to come forward to serve Him and serving His people, with the gifts that He has given us. So don't be intimidated by the christian girl. Get to know her better and you will realise that she is like you, struggling to be godly as well.

You are very sincere in your letter. I encourage you to brave up and seek chances to get to know her better. But do remember to also guard her heart. She will surely give you a chance if she sees your sincerity and your attempts to guard her heart. You never know if she could also be keen to get to know you too ;) I wish you all the best :)

To the Christian Girl:

Do give that christian guy a chance to get to know each other as friends. You never know if a friendship or even a relationship could blossom from it :) Remember to also guard your heart in the process. Be kind and gentle to him, remembering that it takes a lot of courage for him to take that leap of faith to even utter that first "Hi" to you.

Don't judge him based on the external godliness or ungodliness that he may seem to have. Get to know him better and for all you know, you will find the faithful, devoted man, seeking to obey God.

Be kind and gentle to him also, that if you think that you can only just be friends, don't push him off completely. Neither should you lead him on because you enjoy the attention he gives you. Remember that he is also human with a fragile heart. Be clear yet gentle if you really think that the friendship will not progress further. Do respect him as an individual. Seek God's wisdom in handling it. The entire process should not draw both of you away from God but to grow in godliness towards Him.

... from a christian girl :)

Of Cakes & Dreams

Just baked 2 cakes - banana and chocolate.

I think I remembered that I picked up the interest of baking during my stressful Uni exams. I picked up a cake recipe book at the Co-Op, browsed through the pages, and decided that I shall bake after my exams. And there I began my interest in baking and eating the cakes I bake :)

My exam-mugging mates, many VCF friends tried my cakes. During my MEET year (2000), I baked to raise money for my mission team's funds to go Macau. Was really a fun yet tiring time as I was the only one who had time to bake. For a while, my home kitchen was a baking factory...

Eversince, baking became therapeutic for me. It helps me to get my stresses off. I'm happy that people appreciate and enjoy the cakes I bake, even when they are the simple basic cakes like butter, chocolate, banana, etc... When I stop baking for a while, mummy will 'complain' and nag me to bake. There was once she even 'forced' me to bake, hours before I was due to fly off for a 2-week holiday in Australia! I would say my mum and brother are probably the greatest fan of my cakes. When they eat without a comment, I know its good. Any comments would mean "no good".

When I've the time, I shall go improve on baking breads and cookies. The last time I attempted them, the result was... strange :P

If dreams do come true, I do dream of owning a cafe where people could chill out, enjoy the cakes I bake over a cuppa of good coffee or tea. There shall be a collection of Matthias Media (and other good biblical resources) books and evangelical music, where Christians and their friends could sit down for a cuppa and gain access to good evangelical resources. Hope to have a cosy yet big enough venue to allow medium-sized evangelistic gatherings where the Good News can be shared...

Just in case you are curious by now, the 2 cakes that I've just baked are for a bunch of friends later this afternoon... (I see Naomi and Pocahontas drooling...)

Save Me!!

It's friendship weekend. Church services are held at Singapore Bible College. Thank God for service to go on smooth. Sermon by John Ting was very personal. Even for a believer like me, I was reminded of the insight of a non-believer, the insecurities they have and the perspectives that they come from.

I guess I've been a believer for so long that I sometimes forget how a non-believer would have felt and the world view that they have. In my heart, I always knew that there is a God, a true God. I'm privileged and thankful that He chose to let me know Him at a young age of 11 years from the Sunday School that I went to. If not that I come from a Mandarin-speaking family, my mum would not have thought of sending me to Sunday School to 'learn English'. In the end, I learn about the person Jesus Christ. Lord, help me be more conscientious to bear a good testimony at home and to seize every opportunity to share the gospel with my family...

Hwee Yen sang a song from her cd album. I think many people can identify with the song. Reminded me that I really cannot do anything to save myself except through the saving grace of my Lord Jesus Christ.

Save Me
I live a plain and boring life
I work all day and I spend my nights
With friends and conversation
Or me, myself and the television

I try my darnest to be nice
Don't eat meat, won't harm a fly
And early Sunday mornings
I make my way to church

I used to think if I just would
Try real hard, then I could get to heaven

So this is all there is to life
Just killing time between hi and bye
A somewhat empty pattern
We follow till we die

Can we fly to heaven with our science
Our rockets are trapped in the universe
Can all our revolutions ever bring us peace

Save me from my quest for a deeper meaning
Save me from that certain unknown after I'm dead and I'm gone
Save me from hurting the ones I love
How can I be good enough for heaven
When I cannot even save myself from me

If God made this world would He just stand and watch it die in the hands of man
Whose true intent and inclination are shown in what we've done
We cheat we lie, our wars don't end
I think the worst of my best friends
I'm trapped by nature, bound for failure
I need a Saviour

Save me from a terrible fearful eternity
Save me from my just rewards
I've forgotten the God who gave me my heart, my soul, my strength
I'm in no position to ask for His heaven
I need God Himself to save me please

Tissue Auntie

Read Neonangel's encounter with Tissue Auntie. Since I had the use of car yesterday, decided that I would drive down during my lunch break to Bible House to get a English-Chinese bible for auntie. I'm glad that I could get a NIV version although I'll much prefer to get the ESV version. Met up with Neonangel in the evening to try to pass the bible to Auntie.

From the side of Bugis Junction (near the box office) and looking at the direction of Bugis Village, it was not easy to spot Auntie amongst the masses who are crossing the busy road. We crossed the road and ended up on the island and found Auntie. Honestly if I had not knew Auntie's encounter from Neonangel, I'd have also just let her presence just pass by me. Auntie's smile warms my heart. We got her dinner (she has not eaten at 9.30pm) and I sat there to talk to her...

The crowd must be wondering why are 2 ladies squatting on the floor, in the midst of the noise and fumes of cars passing by us and talking to Auntie. Not letting the circumstances affect me, I sat there (could not squat for too long!) and talked to Auntie. Hee :) funny thing was that some info I found out, was different from what Neonangel has heard the day before. Can't blame Neonangel because of her lack of understanding Auntie's mandarin.

From a 15-minute conversation with Auntie, I found out:

she has 2 sons; older son married with kid(s) but not staying with her. He works in a coffeeshop and doesn't earn enough to support her. Her younger son is psychologically ill after an incident a few years ago. Doctor deemed him unfit to work for 2 years. She's earning to support herself and her younger son. Her older son can barely feed himself and his family.

she told me that her husband (when he was alive) would beat her up just to show it to her sons.

her husband passed on years ago. For his funeral, someone loaned her $3,000, which she only just recently managed to repay..... after 11 years!!

$3,000... most of the friends around me would probably earn close to this amount or even more per month. But to another person, it takes 11 years to repay that debt. I was almost in disbelief when I heard that and I did clarify again with Auntie if she really took 11 years! My heart sunk.... I question myself how I have been using the monthly salary that I earn. Have I been prudent and making it to good use???

Tissue Auntie know Jesus from a group of people who shared the gosepl with her years ago. From her trust in Jesus, she held on to her hard life. From her face, I see no resentment to God or anyone for the state she's. She's somewhat contented and in some way confident to continue living her life. She had in no way, complained to me about her hardships. She only merely responded to my questions and happily eating the noodles that we bought her.

I only had 15 minutes with Auntie, but my encounter with her has sparked off many thoughts. I tell myself to want to visit her in future and hope to able to be a blessing to her. If you do cross the road to Bugis Junction from Bugis Village, do buy some tissues from Auntie when you see her....

What if I had just crashed and died?

I was driving home at about 12.30am when I felt like I was gonna drift off to sleep. This wasn't the 1st time this happened. As I turned off the PIE exit to my place, a thought suddenly crossed my mind - what if I really have drifted off to sleep and I had crashed and die from the accident? Am I prepared to meet God? What do I have to say if I've to give an account of my life? Would He be pleased with what I do to my life... this life that He has given me?

No offence to those who are not having an easy time, but I realised that I've been very blessed. The things I struggle in are nothing as compared with many others. My greatest few struggles in life were studies (yes you won't believe it! I was only trying to pass exams!), relationships and my singleness. What are these compared to broken family relationships, ailing mum going through chemotherapy, dad who had a fractured skull from motor accident, ailing dad fighting cancer, an old lady fighting to make ends meet for survival of her and her psychologically unwell son, girl going through unwanted pregnancy cos of an irresponsible guy, a friend trying so hard to obey God in a relationship that my friend knows it should not have continued... the list is endless. And in the past 2 weeks, I just heard too many....

I grew up in a generally healthy family with parents in 28 years of marriage, siblings who're completing their tertiary education and will soon be out into the working world. Work's sometimes busy but already blessed in many ways. I mean what else can I complain about if I've a good boss who doesn't bother with little things I do or not do, time flexible enough to be able to serve God in ministries, knowing many doctors that I can help refer friends to see the doctors when they need, having easy access to medical knowledge when I need advice, getting discounts for medicine, colleagues who are nice and do 'take care' of me. Work politics is in every company so I can't complain. I've family and friends who love me. Most importantly, I've a God who so loves me. Yet I do not live up to His holiness and in gratitude of what He has graciously done for me. So I do not deserve to complain...

I thank God for everything in my life right now... I guess I took them all for granted. I pray that I will be able to persevere and praise Him all the same when things are not going right. If things are going well for me, what do I do to all the other injustice and struggles that people I know are going through? PRAY is the answer. I may not be able to fully understand, but I can lend a listening ear, be a friend and PRAY for them. I know some others who are also struggling although I do not know the issues that they battle with. But since I know that they're not going through an easy time, do I just sit back and do nothing? No, I can PRAY. And perhaps I may be able to help in some practical ways. Sometimes I wonder if I could understand their hardships because I've not gone through some situations, simply because my life's been generally smooth. But yet I did not choose it this way nor did I do anything to ensure my life is smooth-flowing. Its just God's blessings to me. Perhaps in response, I should give of myself to serve my fellow brothers and sisters who are 'suffering'. "Other-person-centred" - we always think we may be able to do so but really it is so difficult. Without His strength and grace, it would almost be impossible because of our sinful state.

Lord, I pray you help me be sensitive and patient to be there for others. Help me to be other-person-centred... so that at the end of the day, I will be held accountable to you and you will be pleased with me...

Yummy Tiramisu

This recipe was given to me by a friend whom I got to know whilst I was holidaying in Sydney 2003. Sharing this with those who can't resist this yummy Italian dessert. (I have photos for each of the every step below. However I have some problems uploading the photos. If you want the recipe with the photos, let me know :))

These are generally the brands of mascarpone cheese available in our local supermarkets.

They come in either 500g or 250g.

I think the cheapest brand is Locatelli (top right).



There are more than these brands in the market. But I think these are the cheaper ones.



Ingredients: (fits ~25cm by 11cm by 3.5cm tray)
14-16 Fingers Biscuits
250g (9 ou) marscapone cheese
2 eggs
4 tbsp Rhum/Cognac/Baileys/Kahlua (Amount can vary as preferred)
2 tbsp milk
1 cup black coffee
4 tbsp fine sugar
Cocoa powder (to sprinkle)

Note: tbsp = tablespoon


(1) Mix coffee, milk, 2 tbsp sugar & 2 tbsp liquer in a bowl.
(2) Soak the lady fingers in the mixture. Then layer the fingers on a rectangular tray.

(3) Separate egg yolks & egg whites.

(4) Whip egg whites in a large bowl until stiff.

(5) Whip egg yolks and 2 tbsp sugar until white.

(6) Add the marscapone cheese & 2 tbsp liquer. Mix together well.

(7) Fold the whipped egg whites into the marscapone cheese mixture.

(8) Spread the marscapone cheese mixture on the soaked ladyfingers.

(9) With the remaining of the ingredients, repeat method 2 and 8. Be sure the mixture is evenly spread in each layer.

Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.
Just before serving sprinkle the bitter sweet cocoa powder on top generously and evenly.

The Look

The lyrics and tune of this song (download song) really touched my heart, to realise the kind of pain and agony that Jesus had felt on the Cross. That moment was not one which anyone of us could understood easily. Jesus died so that you and I can live. This song describes that look and that moment of God's Son hanging on the Cross.

I saw one hanging on a tree
In agony and blood
Who fixed His loving eyes on me
As near His Cross I stood
And never till my dying breath
Will I forget that look
It seemed to charge me with His death
Though not a word He spoke

Chorus
Forever etched upon my mind
Is the look of Him who died
The Lamb I crucified
And now my life sing the praise
Of the pure atoning grace
That looked on me and gladly took my place

My conscience felt and owned the guilt
And plunged me in despair
I saw my sins His blood had spilt
And helped to nail Him there
But with a second look He said
"I freely all forgive
This blood is for your ransom paid
I died that you might live"

Thus while His death my sin displays
For all the world to view
Such is the mystery of grace
It seals my pardon too
With pleasing grief and mournful joy
My spirit now is filled
That I should such a life destroy
Yet live by Him I killed

My Sister's Dream

My sister dreamt that I found a new job & had began working in the new firm. I wonder if her dream will come true? The truth is that I really had just sent in my resume to a firm yesterday - a day after her dream. She did not know that I applied for a job...

Will her dream come true? Or does the reality usually happen opposite from dreams? I shall commit this to my Lord God, if He would open or close this door.....