November 16, 2008

Family in the Process

My family (parents and siblings) have not really been through a real 'crisis' before. I really do not wish for unfortunate things to happen to my family but if so God wills, I am sure He has it for a good reason. We experienced our 1st and 2nd unexpected deaths in our close family last year. Through those incidents and sorting out the aftermath, my family probably got closer a bit together. To begin with, my family is the typical Asian type where my parents do not really show much of their love and emotions to their children. And amongst my siblings and I, we may hang out together but we are not very close nor know each other's deepest thoughts and feelings.

Being the only Christian and the eldest child in the family, I tend to have the 'messiah syndrome' and I do get stressed out by it at times. Being the eldest means that I am always being looked upon to decide things and also the source of wisdom in some matters. I was rather stressed at both deaths then. And now that I have moved out (not only out of home but also out of the country), that pillar is kinda gone even though I am just a phone call away. Yet I feel like I have to be there to motivate, steer and direct the family in some occasions, it sometimes feel like I have to do something otherwise no one else can do it.

The current 'crisis' that my family is going through now is of course, not something that we'd like it to happen. Although it is a really difficult time for particular member of the family, I could also see how this situation can potentially rally all of us together to be strong together. It breaks my heart to know that a member of my family is hurt and I do wish that I could be back at this very moment to be there to help hold up the situation and be a 'messiah'. However I am glad in some way that I could also be with the family in spirit and be in communication via the telephone. Yet I realised that it was better for me to talk and express what I would have found it difficult to say over in person. I know that my family is aware of hubby and my love and support with the family even though we are not present physically.

It also made me realised that I have to commit and entrust my family to God due to my absence. I mean I ought to entrust them to God even when I am physically around but it becomes more of a challenge when I am not around. I realised that I cannot be a 'messiah' even though I may feel like I am one to them. Really, Jesus is the true messiah. It only makes me pray more for my family's salvation and that they will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Messiah. I know this doesn't sound good but in the past I would wonder why is it that I feel like I don't love my family enough to desire much of their salvation and actively praying and sharing with them? I never had the answer but I remembered praying for that love for my family and it seems to be answered through these current circumstances. I felt saddened by the situation, and yet I know I have to be strong for my family to encourage them and spur them on, more so also that I have Jesus. All the more I pray that they will know Jesus not so that life will be better, but that they will have that future hope in Jesus and a life eternal. Perhaps this is also a good opportunity to show them hubby and my Christian worldview and (hopefully) maturity and love, that they are able to see the difference in us being Christians.

In a personal way, I also thank God for the chance to grow my relationships with individuals of my family. E.g. I had a long 1-to-1 talk with my dad last night for the first time. Dad usually does not say more than 10 sentences to us each day and hence last night was a breakthrough for us. If anything, I hope that through our conversation I managed to encourage him and he could see my growth and maturity through the things I say to him and that he will realise that I am truly a grown girl... and for him to slowly realise and eventually be able to show his love for us more openly and freely. I have had conversations with other individuals in my family too but this with dad was the most significant.

I am also thankful that I have hubby to partner me in this journey together as I face my family, to be there to support me beside me and also a chance for him to participate with us in this situation and to grow closer with my family. There are many opportunities for me to grow closer with hubby's family because we are living in the same country but not for hubby with my family.

Through it all, I still thank God because hubby and I are able to see how this 'crisis' will potentially grow each of us in my family and something for everyone to learn. May God continue to change us and work in us... Makes me look forward to be back in Singapore (which I will be in 2 weeks' time) and for a short holiday that we are planning to go together. This would be our 2nd family holiday but our first with the latest addition of hubby (total of 6). We only really went away once as a family of 5 and this was about 3 years ago)

Would you pray for my folks and siblings' salvation? Thank you for your partnership :)

0 other thoughts:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...