June 28, 2007

Overdue Bits & Pieces

There was a silence of about 3 months which I didn't blog. Many things had happened... [be warned that this is a long post]

1. Uncle suddenly passed away mid March;
2. Grandma also quite unexpectedly passed away in April;
3. I left my 6-years' job;
4. I went for some romantic dinner;
5. A mountain top experience;
6. Now I am preparing for a new future
and the move....

Since late last year an
d through to the first quarter of this year, I had been quite stressed up at work, mostly with one person who made life difficult for me. The stress showed up in my body. That was why I had digestion/stomach problems and other symptoms which my body signaled to show me that something wasn't right. Thank God for designing a wonderful systematic body system that alerts us when our body is not right. This calls for us then, to be doing something so that we won't 'ill treat' the bodies that God gave to us.

Uncle's sudden death created quite a stir. He was single and has had kidney failure for past 22 years. Despite that, he was generally well physically. He woke up in the middle of the night feeling breathless and within minutes, stopping breathing and went to be with the Lord. One thing to be thankful is that he died a quick death but it was a sudden one to the entire family. For the next few days then, my family and extended family went through the wake and funeral. In particular, I was much involved in the wake/funeral/aftermath. Besides me, uncle was the only other Christian in the extended family. The proceedings and handling of his funeral fell on my shoulders. I am glad that my family trust me so much to be handling everything (when there are other elders around) but yet I was very stressed up by having to see to almost every little thing and having to be put in a position of responsibility. I suppose I have been too tired of having to always been looked at, to bear responsibility and so I easily get stressed up by it.

However uncle's death also did us some good. There were opportunities for gospel to be shared. At least my family got to see how a Christian funeral is like and why it is a time to rejoice when a Christian dies, although there is a grief for the person's departure from our lives on earth. At times like these, sometimes you see the true side of people - most showed much love, few others showed their sinfulness.

Less than one month later, grandma (mother of my deceased uncle) suddenly fell down and passed away the next day. Grandma was not a Christian. When she was alive, she had declined believing in Jesus. She thinks that the younger generation (like me) can accept but she don't need to. Anyway, the Buddhist wake/funeral was totally different from a Christian one. I am sure my entire family could tell the difference. For one, we the ones living on earth need not do anything to appease the dead nor worship them as we only worship one God and only need to please Him. Whereas for non-believers, they have the notion that they need to do certain things, burn certain things (for the dead) to appease the dead and to 'ensure that those who are alive would be blessed'. I am glad that Jesus's one death died for all. Through Him, everything has been done for and we need not do anything else, except to live holy and changed lives as a follower of Christ (of course this ain't that easy...)

I was less stressed at grandma's wake/funeral. Main reason was that I needn't be looked upon to handle things... because I don't know what to do for Buddhist funerals! I am also thankful for W who was around to help out in many big and small ways... and to provide moral, physical and spiritual support. And one of the greatest thing was to know and see the support and love I got from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in church, my colleagues and my closest friends. For one, my DG gave up bible study time on a Wednesday night to attend the wake. They did this to render support and love to me and my family. I didn't expect that to happen but I thought that should that other than strictly studying God's word, they put God's love in action - to be there for a sister in Christ in need. (For the record, my DG did 2 studies at the following week's gathering :p)

Because of grandma, my holiday trip to KL and Sabah was postponed... so also was someone's plans to pop THE question ;) How could I say No to a man who took 1 month's no pay leave to spend time with me, who brought me out to a romantic dinner in cable car and with roses and paper stars and a poem and a diamond ring on his knees AND a sincere and earnest heart? But of course I wasn't that shallow... there were more reasons for me to say "yes" ;p

Due to so many things that had happened, I decided I needed a break and cancelled my planned climb of Mount Kinabalu with W and his friends. We went to Sabah and although it was delayed by a few days, it was a much needed and well-deserved rest. While the others attempt the climb, I stayed at the Kinabalu Park by myself for about 30 hours. I spent the time praying, reading and journaling in the cool air of the mountain and viewing the splendid creation of God every moment... There were a few moments where I thought I was mildly depressed... I came to realise that too many things have happened in a short time unexpectedly and so I was totally unprepared and therefore very easily stressed up over the smallest thing. I had to learn to accept that I am grown up. I need to face life situations as an adult and handle them as an adult. God has given me a protected and sheltered life. I am reminded of my sinfulness, my need for God and it challenged my trust and dependence on Him. I broke down, I praised God, my thoughts and my emotions just flowed overwhelmingly. I thank God for revealing to me many things - why I was like that, how I have been, what I will be facing. He also reminded and assured me of His immense love, His great mercy and His everlasting grace. God has really been really good to me in my life. He has given me much blessings. In fact, I already have every spiritual blessing possible! There is a time for every season in our lives. God is sovereign over all things and over our lives. I thank God for the beautiful time I spent with Him, in which I termed it "my mountain top experience". Thank God for refreshing me with His Word and His Spirit... and His creation :)

Through it all, I also realised that I have not been praying enough for the salvation of my family and extended family. Other than praying, I also need to strive to live a good testimony and take every chance to share the gospel. I admit that it is not easy... sharing Christ with family is the most difficult because they have seen you at your worst. How do I let them understand that I am only but a sinner saved by grace?

These have been the reasons to my absence from blogging for 2 months. The 1 other month of absence shall be posted in another entry...

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