A woman's intuition/sixth sense.... is it always that accurate? I have had quite a number of such intuitions turning out to be correct. Sometimes it scares me to know that the slightest bit of passing thoughts are actually the truth and not just a wild guess/thought. When the thoughts are of good and joyful things, I am happy. But when the thoughts are not what I really hoped to happen, then I will be saddened to realise that what I had thought of/predicted proved to be right...
A passing thought I had of a sister-in-Christ (SIC) turned out to be true - she is dating a non-believer. Doesn't sound very extraordinary isn't it? I mean in our lives, there would have been some people in our circles whom we would probably know are dating non-believers. But I am saddened still. My heart sank when I learnt the truth. SIC and I have shared on a few occasions about our struggles as single women. SIC has turned down many potential suitors because they were non-believers. I was encouraged by her... But she has now given up the 'fight'. I guess I can understand the great temptation as a Christian single woman, to be tempted to consider nice men who are really really nice, someone who can be your soul mate, share the same interests and probably good-looking as well. The struggle gets more difficult when our biological clock is ticking.
How about 'missionary dating'? Is it valid and 'excuseable'? In some examples that I can recall: I have had a good friend, who dated a non-believer and later her boyfriend (then) became a believer and now they are happily married. Another SIC A also dated a non-believer for 2 years. Her boyfriend became Christian and they were recently married. SIC B was struggling in a friendship with a non-believer. Now he is a Christian but they remained good friends. Ironically or not, I also just had of a brother-in-Christ (BIC), whose non-believer girlfriend recently had accepted Christ.
I do rejoice with each person who come to know Christ but I have mixed feelings about 'missionary dating'. Yes, as believers, we are called to share the gospel. To share the gospel with someone you like... still sounds ok. But to get into the relationship, then start to pray for that person and share the gospel with him/her, I would be uncomfortable. If God is leading that person you like to believe in Jesus Christ, do you need to be in a boy/girl relationship to be able to share Christ? Most non-believers know that Christians should only marry Christians and (usually) will not date non-Christians. As a Christian, if I consent to date a non-believer (given the basic understanding that dating is to consider that person for marriage and not for the fun of it), wouldn't he think that I am compromising in some ways... compromising God?
There was a discussion at church camp last year... one pastor (or was it pastor's wife?) said if (for example) I was dating a non-believer and I painfully decided to end the relationship (or perhaps chose not to begin in the beginning) because I want to obey God, this action can result in 2 possibilities: (1) the guy will be so stumbled by Christians that he may condemn the gospel, but (2) there is a chance that the guy will leave the relationship, realising that the God whom I believe in is greater and far more important than him. This may even cause him to find out why I believe in Jesus Christ that I will choose to end a relationship with him. If this man cares for me enough, he may find out why I love God more and he may truly know and accept the gospel himself. How he may come to know the gospel will not be that important. But if I genuinely care for him, I would be most concerned about his salvation! Being in a relationship with him seems to show that I love him more than I love my Lord Jesus Christ, that I choose to please the guy I like or please my own desires, than pleasing God!
I am not finding excuses for those who are dating non-believers... but often then not, I realise there are 2 scenarios: (1) he/she is struggling real hard, open to people's advice and talking to others about the struggle and having a Christian to be accountable to and praying with. (2) he/she struggles, but only want to listen to the 'good' and sieve out the preachy bits. He/she would usually only share with those whom he/she thinks can 'accept' and understand what he/she is going through. Usually, he/she will end up leaving Christian fellowship for the fear of condemnation of 'doing something wrong'. Generally I think I can understand but I cannot accept. Its loving the sinner but hate the sin. But I must admit that it is not easy to do so. How to best love the SIC or BIC, being able to empathise with him/her, yet also being there for him/her as they struggle? I can simply say "you are wrong, and downright wrong and I shall not talk to you if you are gonna continue the relationship". But this isn't the love that God has for His people. He doesn't leave us sinners in the lurch...
I just recalled a very good guy friend of mine who used to be a godly Christian, now have forsaken God after he dated a non-Christian and later married her. To quote from quop, who quoted the thoughts of his friend: "How can a non-Christian husband lead a Christian wife to Christ-likeness? On the other hand, how can a non-Christian wife be lead into Christ-likeness? If a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, by laying down his life in order to present his church holy and blameless, then how can that happen if the husband does not love Christ (and hence, can not love as he loved?)"
I pray for wisdom and love to face any SIC or BIC who are struggling in this aspect. I surely am no saint to be able to handle this well. For myself, I thank God that I was able to be convicted since many years ago, that I cannot date a non-believer. I had a close girl friend when I was a teenager. But no matter how close we are, I realise she could never understand why I think certain ways or make certain decisions as a Christian. I found myself able to 'click' in this aspect with another girl Christian friend. If this was so with a close girl friend, what more with my boyfriend or potential husband? But as the years go by, although my conviction is still strong, I do not throw away the possibility that I, one day, may fall into this temptation myself. I mean, who knows right? I had ever considered a guy whom I could relate well with, nice gentleman and good-looking. But thank God he was not that much interested in me to pursue me (or perhaps he knew I won't consider him because he is not a Christian??). (Hmm at this point, I suddenly recalled) there was a guy who was interested in me some years back. He expressed interest but he also knew that I will not date a non-believer. He was opened to my invitation to evangelistic events and he himself went to search for the answers to why this God is so special to me. Some time later, he himself accepted Christ when he went to his friend's church. Nothing at all came out from his interest for me. If anything, it had triggered him to know who is this Christ. Thank God for His work!
I also pray for myself that I never will have to face the temptation of considering a non-believer. I thank God that at least for now, I need not be tempted :) But what I need to learn for now, is how to treat those are struggling in this in love and kindness...
A passing thought I had of a sister-in-Christ (SIC) turned out to be true - she is dating a non-believer. Doesn't sound very extraordinary isn't it? I mean in our lives, there would have been some people in our circles whom we would probably know are dating non-believers. But I am saddened still. My heart sank when I learnt the truth. SIC and I have shared on a few occasions about our struggles as single women. SIC has turned down many potential suitors because they were non-believers. I was encouraged by her... But she has now given up the 'fight'. I guess I can understand the great temptation as a Christian single woman, to be tempted to consider nice men who are really really nice, someone who can be your soul mate, share the same interests and probably good-looking as well. The struggle gets more difficult when our biological clock is ticking.
How about 'missionary dating'? Is it valid and 'excuseable'? In some examples that I can recall: I have had a good friend, who dated a non-believer and later her boyfriend (then) became a believer and now they are happily married. Another SIC A also dated a non-believer for 2 years. Her boyfriend became Christian and they were recently married. SIC B was struggling in a friendship with a non-believer. Now he is a Christian but they remained good friends. Ironically or not, I also just had of a brother-in-Christ (BIC), whose non-believer girlfriend recently had accepted Christ.
I do rejoice with each person who come to know Christ but I have mixed feelings about 'missionary dating'. Yes, as believers, we are called to share the gospel. To share the gospel with someone you like... still sounds ok. But to get into the relationship, then start to pray for that person and share the gospel with him/her, I would be uncomfortable. If God is leading that person you like to believe in Jesus Christ, do you need to be in a boy/girl relationship to be able to share Christ? Most non-believers know that Christians should only marry Christians and (usually) will not date non-Christians. As a Christian, if I consent to date a non-believer (given the basic understanding that dating is to consider that person for marriage and not for the fun of it), wouldn't he think that I am compromising in some ways... compromising God?
There was a discussion at church camp last year... one pastor (or was it pastor's wife?) said if (for example) I was dating a non-believer and I painfully decided to end the relationship (or perhaps chose not to begin in the beginning) because I want to obey God, this action can result in 2 possibilities: (1) the guy will be so stumbled by Christians that he may condemn the gospel, but (2) there is a chance that the guy will leave the relationship, realising that the God whom I believe in is greater and far more important than him. This may even cause him to find out why I believe in Jesus Christ that I will choose to end a relationship with him. If this man cares for me enough, he may find out why I love God more and he may truly know and accept the gospel himself. How he may come to know the gospel will not be that important. But if I genuinely care for him, I would be most concerned about his salvation! Being in a relationship with him seems to show that I love him more than I love my Lord Jesus Christ, that I choose to please the guy I like or please my own desires, than pleasing God!
I am not finding excuses for those who are dating non-believers... but often then not, I realise there are 2 scenarios: (1) he/she is struggling real hard, open to people's advice and talking to others about the struggle and having a Christian to be accountable to and praying with. (2) he/she struggles, but only want to listen to the 'good' and sieve out the preachy bits. He/she would usually only share with those whom he/she thinks can 'accept' and understand what he/she is going through. Usually, he/she will end up leaving Christian fellowship for the fear of condemnation of 'doing something wrong'. Generally I think I can understand but I cannot accept. Its loving the sinner but hate the sin. But I must admit that it is not easy to do so. How to best love the SIC or BIC, being able to empathise with him/her, yet also being there for him/her as they struggle? I can simply say "you are wrong, and downright wrong and I shall not talk to you if you are gonna continue the relationship". But this isn't the love that God has for His people. He doesn't leave us sinners in the lurch...
I just recalled a very good guy friend of mine who used to be a godly Christian, now have forsaken God after he dated a non-Christian and later married her. To quote from quop, who quoted the thoughts of his friend: "How can a non-Christian husband lead a Christian wife to Christ-likeness? On the other hand, how can a non-Christian wife be lead into Christ-likeness? If a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, by laying down his life in order to present his church holy and blameless, then how can that happen if the husband does not love Christ (and hence, can not love as he loved?)"
I pray for wisdom and love to face any SIC or BIC who are struggling in this aspect. I surely am no saint to be able to handle this well. For myself, I thank God that I was able to be convicted since many years ago, that I cannot date a non-believer. I had a close girl friend when I was a teenager. But no matter how close we are, I realise she could never understand why I think certain ways or make certain decisions as a Christian. I found myself able to 'click' in this aspect with another girl Christian friend. If this was so with a close girl friend, what more with my boyfriend or potential husband? But as the years go by, although my conviction is still strong, I do not throw away the possibility that I, one day, may fall into this temptation myself. I mean, who knows right? I had ever considered a guy whom I could relate well with, nice gentleman and good-looking. But thank God he was not that much interested in me to pursue me (or perhaps he knew I won't consider him because he is not a Christian??). (Hmm at this point, I suddenly recalled) there was a guy who was interested in me some years back. He expressed interest but he also knew that I will not date a non-believer. He was opened to my invitation to evangelistic events and he himself went to search for the answers to why this God is so special to me. Some time later, he himself accepted Christ when he went to his friend's church. Nothing at all came out from his interest for me. If anything, it had triggered him to know who is this Christ. Thank God for His work!
I also pray for myself that I never will have to face the temptation of considering a non-believer. I thank God that at least for now, I need not be tempted :) But what I need to learn for now, is how to treat those are struggling in this in love and kindness...
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