Unusual mixed feelings

Neonangel invited Tissue Aunty to church service last Sunday. Excitedly, I agreed to meet up with them to attend service together. I'm so glad that Aunty was coming to service!

As I sat at the Fellowship Hall waiting and chatting with Aunty and Neonangel as they ate their breakfast, I notice another fellow Brother-in-Christ walked in through the gates with a blind uncle holding on to his arm.

The main hall was packed with people (it being the baptism service). Neonangel, Aunty and I went to the overflow room on Level 2. There I met the blind uncle again. I ended up sitting in between the blind uncle and the tissue aunty (she just told us to address her as Mdm Tan or "Chen Nu Shi" in Mandarin).

Now, I didn't think anything very much about it, although I knew that I was not feeling comfortable... something was out of place, something unusual.... Then I realised that its because this was the first time I was sitting beside the type of people whom you will seldom see in our church. Wait! I don't look down on the blind uncle nor Mdm Tan. Sorry, but look at the people my church... when would you often see a blind man or an aunty who doesn't dress well like the other adults in church? These 2 persons surely stood out in the crowd.

At one point, I questioned my thoughts about sitting with them. Do I just look at them and pity them? Are they less lovable than my other friends? I was reminded of how Jesus said that he came for the sinners and tax-collectors. Jesus said that "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Surely Jesus loves the blind uncle and the tissue aunty too! They too, like us, need salvation, need Jesus!!

I suddenly see the ugly side of me - realising that I'm probably not as compassionate as I thought I was, that I could love these people. I can't find the words to describe my feelings but I just felt.... strange and somewhat numb....

Recalling my one and only mission trip thus far.... I went to Macau for a month, 5 years ago. There, I met ex-drug addicts, prisoners and ex-prisoners, children with all sorts of complicated family background, patients in the hospital who feel they have no hope, teenagers with habit of stealing, etc... I had so much more empathy for them then. Each patient I visited in the hospital, listened to them and prayed with them, I'll feel so sorry that I can't help but cry... so many people I met, so many stories I heard... they were so overwhelming. I felt that I had taken so many things for granted.... what's happening to me now?

I realised that I'm so comfortable with my life now and contented with status quo, yet moving on in an urban lifestyle, that I fail to stop and notice these people... what kind of people? People unlike you and I - don't need to really worry about a roof over our heads, our meals, physically well, no major vices, well-educated....

It was easy to segregate the 'life in Macau' and 'life in Singapore'. In Macau, it would be easy to tell yourself that you are only there for 4 weeks. Life in Singapore is what I am used to.... my reality.... because I grew up in Singapore! But for the Macanese, vices, dishonest way of living, was their reality! In this first world country, we are so used to luxury living. We feel that we deserve it because we worked hard. Yet in Macau, I remember the pastor told us - one would only make it big in Macau if you resort to dishonesty and illegal trade. A down-to-earth, honest, hard-working fellow will forever remain poor... this is not what we were taught by our parents, isn't it???

Anyway, I guess I still can't exactly figure out how I'm feeling, except "strange". At least I know that I surely have taken things for granted and sometimes I don't know how to appreciate the blessings that I am enjoying already. Sometimes I think that my life is simple enough (I'll talk about being simple another time), but yet my definition of "simple" is Mdm Tan's and probably some others' "luxury" and "abundance".

I pray God will continue teach me to be thankful for what I already have and not complaining about what I do not have....