Lost My Patience

B with traces of chocolate moouse all over her mouth

Last week, Ikea had a "eat your discount" promotion. It means that, e.g. when you spend $20 dining at the Ikea cafe, Ikea will take $20 off your purchases. Hubby and I have a couple of things to buy and so we head there on Thursday (late night shopping until 9pm). 

I had to drop something at my SIL's before heading to Ikea. I thought I will offer B to come along with us, if she has had a good afternoon nap (otherwise we will have a cranky kid while we shop) and her parents permits her to come out with us. It turned out that B has been asking her mum when she will be able to go to my house again, when I will go pick her up, etc, since the last time she stayed over. B loves to go out. Every morning when she wakes up, she will ask her mum "Mummy, where are we going today?". The answer that she often gets is "Nowhere. We are staying at home" and B is disappointed. So when B heard that she can go out with us, she was so excited and granted that she had a 2.5 hr nap (which was unusual for her), it was ideal to get her out, wear off her energy so that she can sleep at night. 

The moment I arrive at B's place, she and C were so delighted to see me. The smiles (especially C's) that greet me at the door make my day. They are priceless! Unfortunately we will not bring both B and C out. Since B is the older child, she gets more privilege to hang out with us, just because it is easier to handle a toddler. I'd love to bring C out one day though... but B will not be happy if she cannot come along too. And so, the car seat is set up, B pops into our car and I proceed to pick hubby up from his work. B was quiet in the car (which was usual).

At Ikea, there was a long line of people waiting to buy their food/dinner. Hubby stood in the line while I brought B to the front to see what food was available and what she wanted to eat. B kept quiet, refused to talk nor even point out to me what she wants to eat. Everything I asked and everything I said had no response from her. Hubby also could not make her talk and both of us could not understand her sudden change of temperament. I tried to be patient nevertheless and since I know she likes fish and chips, we ordered one for her, complete with her favourite "funny drink" (soft drink, carbonated drink). At the dining table, we cut up the food for her and put it in her hands. She held the piece of fish for a while and just looked at us and refused to eat nor drink her "funny drink". Hubby and I tried everything we could but she remained silent. I have also asked her what was wrong and to tell me but she kept quiet. At that moment, I wanted to scream and scold B. There we are, brought her out to spend some time and enjoy with her, complete with treats that she usually don't get. Before we could begin the 'fun', she turned up in her mood. In fact, I told hubby that if she were my own daughter, I would have scolded her and be more firm. But because she is my niece and I know that scolding B will not help her to open up, I kept my frustrations and B could probably sense it too.

We decided to sms B's parents to let them know that she is not eating. We don't want B to wake up in the middle of the night asking for food because she didn't eat her dinner. Just before my SIL rang me, B started to eat a tiny bit and slowly... B's mum spoke to her on the phone but B remained silent and just listened without any response. Eventually she managed to eat quite an amount of fish (and not just the fried batter) and chips, complete with her "funny drink" (which was actually lemonade) and another treat was the chocolate moouse (which she knows it as ice cream). She ate about half the cup of moouse. Does B realise she is getting such a treat that her sister don't get? Sigh...

The rest of our time together shopping was quite alright. B still didn't talk much but she was more responsive (and she definitely was not tired). Having said that (like I always say), B is still a pretty easy kid to handle. I have seen some others which I think would have made me lose my patience many times over. On hindsight, I am not sure how I could better deal with B. I think I have tried both the soft and hard way for her but not sure which one works. I think I should have 'debriefed' with her, letting her understand why I was frustrated and say sorry, and try to suss out something from her. Even if she does not tell me what was happening with her, at least I know that she has heard me. At the end of the night, I still made a point to tell B that I love her.

We returned B to my in-law's place where her parents are. Soon after, the talkative part of her came back. Was it something that we did? It would be interesting to know what is B thinking in her mind when she doesn't talk. Her parents don't know most of the time either.

It is not easy to discipline kids as they get older, isn't it? There are still so much to learn how to discipline them in the godly way...