January 13, 2009

Engagements & Weddings

I am at the season of life where there are quite a number of engagements and weddings taking place each year. Even as I thought that I could be over with my friends in Singapore, I now have the 2nd wave with friends in Brisbane (because most of them are younger than me).

Over the last 3 months, I have gotten news of 4 engagements and 2 broken engagements. This year, hubby and I have (so far) know of 3 weddings which we are pretty sure that we will be invited to. Hubby and I chatted once and talked about how easily people assume that 2 persons in a dating relationship will definitely, eventually end up in marriage... or unhelpful comments/actions which assume to indicate that the 2 person will get marry, e.g. X and Y are dating and their friend shoot a seemingly harmless question like "When are wedding bells ringing?" when they are not engaged or comment that "Of course Y wants to marry X!". Most won't realise that such comments or questions are not helpful, especially when X and Y do not end up getting married to each other. Indeed how quick we are to also assume that an engaged couple will definitely end up saying their marriage vows to each other. We rejoice with a newly engaged couple but perhaps we also need to be careful in assuming that they will end up marrying each other, not at least until the wedding day itself. Recently I know of 2 engagements that was broken very close to the wedding day. I realised how easy it is for me to assume and take it for granted that they will definitely get married!

Regarding weddings, many people (especially women) have their "dream wedding" and would have their wish list for the things to have and to happen on that special day, that-once-in-a-lifetime occasion. There is nothing wrong in planning a beautiful dream wedding but at the bottomline, the wedding is mere 1 day, the 1st day of the marriage. Putting all your resources, energies and hopes onto that one day, I am afraid, is not the wisest and it may disappoint you. One can have the most beautiful, expensive and 'perfect' wedding, but their marriage goes downhill from there on. The marital maintenance and growth of the day-to-day marriage is far more important and significant than the special, once-in-a-lifetime wedding day. Most engaged couples look forward to the wedding day... I wonder how many of them really look forward to the marriage if they were to know and see the daily boring routines and when you get into each other nerves.

Now as a married woman, I have not grown weary of marriage (by God's grace!). Yes, marriage life can be boring, routined, normal, unexciting but yet it can be exciting when I see how God grow us to be more selfless and to love each other unconditionally. Marriage is a constant challenge as we come face to face with the worst of ourselves - our sinful wretched beings and how we have to hold onto our vow and committment that come what may, he/she will still be my spouse and I am committed to love him/her and stay faithful. Yet the ultimate beauty of marriages on earth is that it is the shadow of the reality - that is the marriage between Christ and the church when Jesus comes again. It is not totally comprehensible by the finite human but this is what the Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:22-33. The most perfect and beautiful beyond comprehension wedding will take place when Jesus comes again and we are raised up with Him in glory. How I long to see that day!

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